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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=The Len]I've talked to many girls and not all, but many of them fall in a certain catagory in one aspect. I learned from them that in conversation they want one thing but in action want another. In conversations they want the nice guy. Cause if you think logically, this makes sense. It doesn't make sense to go out with a person that is going to mistreat you, talk down to you, take you for granted, etc. The part where it conflicts is in real life. Biologically, girls are attracted to the bad boys cause bad boys are usually very confident and cocky. They are attracted to what comes across as firm security....the thing that makes them look like they could make things exciting and at the same time have their emotionally base in someone that is things they would like to be: extroverted, speaking their minds, rebellious, etc. Not to mention a lot of girls like a challenge. Nice guys are metaphorically speaking laid out right in front of them waiting to be picked up. Whereas bad guys usually take more to grab or keep once you have them. Interesting what one person said about girls wanting to go out with a guy that represents their upbringing. So if you have had an abusive dad or a good dad, that can and sometimes does reflect subconciously in their minds. Another thing is most girls that like this bad boy image usually go through many relationships unhappy, not being able to figure out what's wrong. It's usually the young ones that like the adventure and the thrill. It's all transparent and soon wears then as they age, end up tagging along a few mouths to feed, are jaded by their experiences, and are divorced. As the saying goes....some people have to learn the hard way. Guys are no different. Lots of guys want the hot girl regardless if they are jerks. This is biological in nature cause a hot girl means someone that has a balanced, symmetrical face. Beauty is in symmetry. When someone's face has too much or too little of a certain feature, there is an imbalance and that's why some people are more attractive than others. Also being hot means you are in shape. This means you are either blessed with good genes, work out, or both. Aside from people with medical conditions where they have little to no control over being over-weight, most of this with thin people represents the person really cares about their health. They are health conscious people are therefore makes them very accessible and likely to have healthy offspring to carry on the genes. This in turn makes them game for guys who want a good one nighter. That's another reason why guys don't like to commit as a whole. Biologically they are made to spread their genes to as many as possible to carry on the species. They don't think this....this is biologically where the urge comes from though.[/QUOTE]

Kdes...with regard to your question about nice girls liking bad boys, I just don't think you can generalize about 2 billion people. Trying to understand your ex's actions by extrapolating her behavior onto millions of other woman is illogical and impossible--even if it was, it would only leave you more frustrated or depressed. The truth is, people change and so do their feelings...it isn't because of some intrinsic quality only "nice girls" possess, though I can understand why that would be a comforting thought (and by the sound of it, you may want to reconsider classifying someone who could be so hurtful to you as nice!). There are no universal stereotypes that apply to everyone belonging to a certain group...so on that principle alone I must disagree with just about everything Len said. I think that kind of pseudo-scientific, oversimplified platitudes are meant to excuse and perpetuate sexist double-standards. It bothers me when men with obviously limited experience with women get to know a few girls and then think they magically, thoroughly understand "almost all" women--it's insulting to think that all women are the same, not to mention so transparent that any guy could have them all figured out. Also, Len, posters were saying that the inaccurate stereotype that women choose partners who are like their fathers is WRONG...not that it holds true as you tried to claim. I wouldn't add that generalization to your mental list of stereotypes about women nor would I continue to propagate your "scientific" justification for men failing to be monogamous...I hope people here don't accept that excuse as a logical, understandable explanation for cheating and promiscuity. I also wanted to second everything Lisa said--I think her insights are right on, and I like that as a woman, she realizes that we're not some simple creatures that men can lump together as predictable and identical. I realize everyone has the right to an opinion, but I really don't like to see such inaccurate stereotypes and the faulty inferences that result from them perpetuated on these boards.

LittleRose, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with such disrespectful behavior from this guy! It must be so frustrating to be going back and forth between him acting really interested and devoted to you, then all of a sudden being a jerk. I wish I had some simple solution to all this, but unfortunately only you are in a position to know what the best way to handle this situation is. If you really care about the guy and want to give him another chance, I wish you well, but I hope you keep in mind that you deserve a lot better if his behavior doesn't improve. If you decide to make a clean break with him and look for someone who will consistently treat you well, I wish you lots of luck. You have a great head on your shoulders and I'm sure everything will work out for the best in time...hang in there and take care!





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