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[QUOTE=twotulips]I came on here to get a different perspective on my situation.I have asked my friends what they think and I get the same answer from all of them;They would be right pissed off.Hopefully I get get some different perspectives from other people.

Ok,here it is...

My boyfriend is in school and there this girl in his class.Not a big deal,theres other girls there too.I can be a jealous person,acutally, not so much jealous but more insecure with things. Anyways, my boyfriend talks to her and stuff and thats fine but he told me something today that made me feel mad.He smokes pot and so does she and they were at school at lunch and everyone else had left and she asked him if he wanted to go smoke some and he said OK,so they left in her truck, stopped at the drive through for coffee and then went and smoked some pot.He told her that he thought I was going to be mad about it and when she sprayed her perfume (to cover up the smell) he asked her to do it outside of her truck so I wouldnt smell is and be mad.The fact that he was talking about me when he was with her says alot.I cant say that I would have talked about my past boyfriend when I was with someone else,especially if I was interested in them (Not that I have ever been in the situation)I was really mad when he told me he did this.Its not a big deal if him and a few other people and her go and smoke some pot but it made me mad that it was just him and her.Him telling me that he went says alot because I know hes not trying to hide it from me but it still bugs me.I asked him if he was going to go and smoke it with just her anymore and he said it shouldnt be a big deal because he doesnt see her as a girl or a guy, just a person he smoked pot with because there was nothing else to do.If I would have been driving and seen him in her truck,I would have been really upset and hurt.I just dont see why he has to hang out with another girl in her truck,he has a girlfriend.Am I over reacting? I dont have the gut feeling that he likes her but Im just insecure about the whole situation.If some guy asked me to go hang out for a bit I would say No because I know it would hurt my boyfriend if he saw me with him.My Mom says its not a big deal that he went with her because he told me so he has nothing to hide but it just starts a fire inside me when I start to think of it.I dont want to be the jealous girlfriend because Im a nice person but the thought of just him and her in her truck really bugs me.Should I be worried that something is going on? I swear sometimes he tells me stuff like this just to make me jealous.I asked him how he would feel if he saw me in another guys truck and that made him think.Where should the line be drawn when it comes to your significant other and members of the opposite sex?Im just mad and Im thinking that maybe I reacted instead of responded.Am I just being stupid about this?

Pleeeease give me some replies!![/QUOTE]

Actually, I don't mean to sound too blunt, but I definitely do think that you're overreacting. First of all, him talking about you to this girl and telling you about the incident are good signs, not suspicious ones...I'd be a lot more concerned if he didn't mention his GF to her or if he never mentioned what happened to you. I can imagine that it's very hard to suppress feelings of insecurity and jealousy, but allowing them to affect your thinking and your behavior will only have negative consequences. People who don't have much experience with pot or pot smokers tend to buy into a lot of silly myths and government propaganda about it...but in reality, pot is really pretty benign and it's extremely common and pretty harmless for college students to smoke. I wouldn't be worried about my BF smoking pot with a girl because it makes you more cautious, reserved, and careful (this applies to driving too, despite the constant propaganda to the contrary). I'd be a lot more worried if he was out drinking with her or hanging around with her at her place rather than in her car. Pot smoking isn't a bad thing or the sign of a shady loser...most of the smartest, most open-minded and well-educated, motivated, and productive young people I've known like to relax on occasion with some pot. For young people, it's a very frequently used way to relax, which is a lot less dangerous, addictive, or likely to cause violence, arguments, or risky behavior than drinking or any other illegal drug. It's really not a big deal for students to smoke it or for a guy and a girl to smoke together after class or something.

Also, people who say a guy and a girl can't just be friends either have been burned in the past by a partner who cheated with "a friend," or don't have many people of the opposite sex who are interested in being their friends. Honestly, smoking pot with someone of the opposite sex is quite innocent and definitely not something to get all worked up about. Maybe you feel insecure because he shares an interest with her that you aren't into, or because you feel like he thinks she is cool and laidback for smoking with him. Or maybe you're just feeling insecure about your relationship in general and are worried that you might lose him to another girl. Regardless of why you feel insecure and jealous, I would advise trying to come to terms with these feelings and working toward overcoming them. I've never had trouble with these issues and have never had a boyfriend cheat or otherwise turn his back on me--however, I've observed that the more jealous and insecure other girls are, the more likely they are to experience numerous painful romantic betrayals. Jealousy and insecurity are like poison to relationships--they create problems out of nothing, and blow minor issues or misunderstandings way out of proportion. Allowing these feelings to affect you threatens the contentment and stability of your current relationship as well as possible future ones because in addition to creating and exacerbating problems, jealousy and insecurity is a huge turn-off that can make a partner cool towards you very quickly. Besides the fact that there's not much that's less attractive than a needy and untrusting GF, which is likely to drive a guy away anyway, being constantly suspected of cheating and lying can actually motivate someone to cheat who would have never considered such a betrayal if they had been with a confident, independent, and trusting partner.

Also, I don't think your BF was telling you this to make you jealous. He probably realizes that you're insecure and jealous and wanted to tell you so that you didn't find out some other way and jump to the conclusion that something romantic was going on with him and this other girl. I disagree with the posters who have implied that you have reason to be jealous or that your BF told you this intending to make you more jealous--it sounds like you're just projecting this motivation onto him. Just because you assume what happened was suspect and if the roles were reversed, you'd therefore only tell your BF about it if you wanted to make him jealous DOES NOT mean he's thinking the same thing and acting accordingly. I really think you're worrying too much about a pretty harmless event and that if you continue to let your insecurities and resulting fears to influence you, you could be jeopardizing your bond with your current BF (or any other future relationship with long-term potential). If you love him, please think about trying to show him that by learning to more deeply trust his love and committment to you. If I was in his position, I would be a bit put off and offended by my partner assuming that I was up to no good every time I hung out with someone of the opposite sex. If he loves you and acts like a devoted boyfriend, you owe him the respect of treating him like the trustworthy guy he (maybe?) is. But if he's hung out with other girls alone numerous times and your instincts are yelling at you that he's up to no good, then there's a chance that your insecurity and jealousy is actually accurate intuition. Only you know enough about the situation to judge which scenario applies here...but either way, I think you would really benefit from working to overcome your insecurity and jealousy. I hope this wasn't too long or too harsh and that everything works out well for you :). Take care and good luck!





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