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[QUOTE=Piranna65]Hello-

Well I had something happen last night, my b/f called me and told me he was going to do something I dont approve of. Meaning he was going to smoke pot with a couple co-workers. He knows I dont really approve of this. He use to smoke pot before he met me. And when we met he had already "quit" Well since we've been going (one and half years) he has smoked twice now counting last night.

I got upset and just wanted him to tell me he wasnt going to do it. The first time he did he called me at 9am to tell me because he felt so bad about doing it.

He told me last night would be the last time he does it. And I told him "we'll see" I want to trust that he wont, but he is easily persuaded (sp) by his friends. Like he tells me "well i talked to them before i talked to you" What does that have to do with anything. I told him "you know how i feel about you doing pot, you shouldnt call me to see what im going to say. On top of this he woke me up at like 3:30am when he got off work to tell me the "good news" And instead i ended up crying back to sleep.

I dont have that big of an issue w/pot but i dont want to get married to a guy that is more interested in smoking pot then not dissapointing me. I told him today "i dont want to marry a pot head" he got offended "im not a pothead, I dont smoke all the time do i? NO" And it's true he doesnt.

Am i over reacting? Should I tell him to get this crap out of his system now or stand strong that I dont like this and he should be getting over it. He's going on 23 im going on 22...thanks![/QUOTE]

Yes, you are definitely overreacting in my opinion. You clearly don't know much or have much experience with pot, so it's only natural that it makes you feel left out when your BF smokes. You disapprove of what he's doing, but believe me, pot is not worth crying yourself to sleep or thinking about not marrying him over. I think you're making much too big a deal over this, and I hate to see you risk your relationship over something so minor. I don't mean to sound at all harsh or critical--I used to act the exact same way toward a BF in high school who smoked pot, and I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did. I would give him such a hard time about it and always say things like "I don't want to be with someone who cares about pot more than he cares about me," but looking back I was embarrassingly stubborn, bossy, and naive. I thought that if he respected my wishes and did what I said, it would show that he really loved me and was completely devoted to our relationship. But in reality, I was just making a big deal over the pot smoking because I felt left out, threatened, and jealous that he shared this activity with people other than me. So I made a huge, dramatic big deal over this issue which had absolutely nothing to do with our relationship--it was just something he liked to do every once in awhile. It was ME, my insecurities, and my need to be in control that undermined and threatened our relationship, not a little harmless pot smoking every once in awhile.

Looking back on all this, I have learned my lesson and can see how hopelessly immature and silly I was being. I am not saying this to be mean or anything, just trying to help you see what's going on before you make take the same fruitless, immature path that I took. It sounds to me like you have a really good guy on your hands who tries to do right by you, and in my opinion, you're seriously jeopardizing that by being so rigid and telling him what to do like he's a child. He's being a lot more respectful of your overbearing, melodramatic feelings about the situation (by being upfront and honest about what he's been up to) than most guys would, and I hope you see that his honesty, openness, and devotion are a blessing. In the scheme of things, it's very difficult to find a person to love who will treat you with such consideration and respect--to risk that over something as benign as smoking pot once in awhile is really quite short-sighted. I guarantee that if you sustain this dramatic attitude and don't learn to pick your battles, you will be regretting your actions more than you can imagine if he gets fed up with your demands and moves on to someone who'll appreciate what a good catch he is and not risk losing him over something so silly. I truly hope this doesn't happen, but from many relationships I've observed, I can tell you that his leaving is a very real danger that you face if you keep this up. It's not like he's going out or cheating with another girl, not like he's getting violent or anything--he's just engaging in a relatively harmless social activity every once in awhile.

I guess if not using pot is an extremely important issue to you, then you should stand your ground, but your story reminds me a lot of mine, and looking back I see that I was very naive and immature to make such a big deal out of something that wasn't a threat to our relationship whatsoever. There are much more important issues in a relationship, like honesty, fidelity, respect, communication, etc. I hope you learn from my experience and hesitate before continuing to risk this relationship by telling him what to do and making him feel guilty over something so harmless. Your BF is an adult; he deserves the respect and freedom to make his own decisions without having to bend to your wishes. The sooner you can learn to pick your battles and not risk damaging a good relationship over something that's not really worth it, the more serious, contented and stable relationships you will enjoy. You have gotten lots of good advice here from people with experience with pot--those are the people who really know and understand what they're talking about. Please don't listen to those who blindly accept all the ridiculous government propaganda that demonizes pot and suggests that all pot smokers will become thieves, burnouts, losers, and murderers :rolleyes:. Please believe us when we say that pot is not worth risking a good relationship over. Just ask the numerous people here who would do anything to have another shot with a lost love, who feel that they'll never find that kind of love and happiness with someone else, and regret everyday that their relationships ended over relatively minor issues that probably could have been dealt with without risking the entire relationship. If you love this guy, please try to be more accepting and understanding so that he can grow and feel independent within the stabilizing, supportive bonds of your relationship. Good luck!! :)





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