It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hello!

I'm no stranger to using the internet dating sites to meet someone, so I know the kind of games that go on. That being said, I'm just not sure whether I should write the following guy off or not. I used to be the type to give someone way too much of a "benefit of a doubt" (to the point of being made a fool of) - but over the past few years I've developed less and less patience when it comes to someone I suspect is pulling my proverbial chain and I can be very quick to write someone off if the least little thing seems amiss - - - so my dilemma then becomes "am I overreacting?"

We began communicating through a particular Christian Personals site. He lives locally, seems like a really cool, sharp, witty guy. However, after a couple weeks of mailing back and forth through the site, I began to get a sense that maybe he was not really interested in me but maybe just being polite - though he would often write me a lot and sometimes would make subtly flirty little references. I wasn't sure how to read him.

He surely didn't spend much time on the site.........he'd read my mail, reply (sometimes not writing too much but promising to write more later) and then disappear until the next day. Sometimes he'd be gone for a couple of days. The "cautious" side of me wondered if maybe he was really involved with someone (in real life) and that's why his time was so limited......that or else he was "seeing" someone he'd met through the site and didn't want that person to see him hanging out there anymore.

This past Tuesday I received a very brief letter from here there, very vague in fact, stating he was going to be tied up for the next while and he'd write more when he could. That struck me as odd.......if he was going to be busy due to work, say, a business trip, why not just say that? Why be so cryptic?

I found him a little difficult to get to know because there was so much wit and humor in his letters that at times it seemed he was using humor to avoid talking about himself. He'd promised me a week ago that he'd send me a picture soon - but a week went by and still nothing.

Finally last night I figured this is all pointless..........so I sent him one last letter (not being mean or rude at all) and just told him that I got a sense he really wasn't interested...that he was more or less just "window shopping" and content to just have this ongoing witty banter but nothing more substantial. I told him that if I was somehow wrong, I apologized...but that my membership there was going to run out today and that he had my email address offsite and that the ball was in his court if he was interested.

I was rather surprised to get an email from him this morning. OH...I should add.........on a few occasions he'd write to me through the site, saying he was tired and was heading to bed early (at 8pm at night).........but I'd see the next morning that'd mailed me at like 1am. He did this on 2 occasions. On another occasion he wrote and said, "I'm going for a jog now..I'll write later or tomorrow"....and then again, he did write me later...but at 1am.

So anyway, this email this morning was rather flattering.........now unless it was all just a bunch of smooth baloney, he indicated that he was interested in getting to know me better. He even gave me his cell phone #. (and no, I haven't yet called him - I'm not one to chase a guy or appear too eager)

So I wrote him back...........he wrote me back this afternoon..........barely anything to say, a rather disjointed letter..........suggested we get together for a coffee sometime during this coming week..indicating that weekends aren't good because he has his son. States he worked today and has his son TOMORROW. ........so of course I was thinking to myself............so if he doesn't have his son until tomorrow, why couldn't we meet for coffee tonight if he's soooo interested? And he's basically told me that his weekends are always busy because of his son so that if we ever wanted to get together, it could only be during the week. Well that could be a convenient way of trying to hide the fact that he's already involved with someone, hey?

I just get this sense that he's not totally being straight............but I could be way off base. What do you make of any of this? Thanks.
This fellow has a son. Does he still have a wife? That might account for the somewhat odd behavior.

Overall, I think your intuition is correct. He's hiding something.

Bill
If you guys seemed to connect through the letters, I would try and meet up with him one time and see what kind of vibe he gives off. In person, you should be able to figure out if you think he is worth meeting again and vice versa.
[QUOTE=Fizzickle]This fellow has a son. Does he still have a wife? That might account for the somewhat odd behavior.

Overall, I think your intuition is correct. He's hiding something.

Bill[/QUOTE]

His "marital status" in his profile is "single/never married." He admitted on one letter that he was in fact never married to his son's mother (his son is 5 yrs old). One of the questions I asked him in the email I sent to him this morning (in reply to his) was......how long ago was your last long term relationship. He replied telling me that his last "relationship" was with the mother of his son, and it only lasted 1 year. Now if that's true, and I'm doing the math, that would mean that they split up shortly after his son was born. If his son's 5, that would have been over 4 yrs ago. Says he's only "dated" since then but nothing serious.

Of course he could be totally full of crap - could married for all I know, the reason he would avoid my question about seeing his picture (though he did email me 2 pics of him early this morning, to my home address).........for all I know he's very much married and just looking for some fun on the side. The fact that he gave me his cell # was a bit of a red flag........though I guess these days a guy can't be too careful so maybe some wouldn't feel comfortable giving out their home #.

Yes, I could agree to meet him but if he's as slick as I think he might be, that very likely wouldn't tell me anything........and I'd have just wasted my time (I live outside of the city he lives in, it would be an hour's drive to meet him, each way).
Yeah, you need to meet someone who is more straight forward and honest. This guy doesn't sound like someone worth figuring out.
leave now while you have the chance. find someone in real life. have patience. it'll be very worth it. you sound like a smart insightful person.

this situation sounds too messy and you haven't even met this person yet.
[QUOTE=camarynn37]I used to be the type to give someone way too much of a "benefit of a doubt" (to the point of being made a fool of) - but over the past few years I've developed less and less patience when it comes to someone I suspect is pulling my proverbial chain and I can be very quick to write someone off if the least little thing seems amiss - - - so my dilemma then becomes "am I overreacting?"[/QUOTE]
OMG!!! You sounded just like me there.... I'm in that same place.
And along those lines - I had met someone a few months back, though not online, but I would get 'suspicious' about silly little things, and then wonder if I was overreacting.

And when confronting him, he would give me a unclear, but at the same time understandable kind of response. Leading me to feel I was indeed over reacting.
But at the same time, why would he be so 'irritated' by me questioning him in the first place? According to him - it was my approach to it and it was too early on for me to be approaching him in that sense, we hadn't known each other long enough for me to be 'playing 21 questions' with him.

Well, that's fine, I understand that, but at the same time, couldn't he have been understanding of [I]my[/I] point, also? Makes me wonder.

In that sense, if you ever find out what's up with this guy, I'd be very curious to hear it. So if you do, keep us posted.
I apparently don't have this type of issue figured out, yet!

My advice is that it isn't worth having to go thru all these guessing games with [I]anyone[/I]. Whether there's something there or not should be irrelavent given the insecure feeling this situation is causing. There are plenty other people out there who hopefully wouldn't bite into your insecurities and make you feel this way. I don't think that's the way relationships are supposed to go. They say listen to your gut, it won't steer you wrong. Clearly, your gut is telling you something is off.
That being said, I'm the wrong one to tell anyone that. Occasionally I still try to get in touch with that guy, and am still trying to 'figure out what's really up'.
And everytime, the convo ends the same way. I would think that point should tell me all I need to know, but I'm not so wise.

Anyway, keep us posted on what you decide to do, and if and when you ever figure anything out. I hope you work things out for the best! Good lucK!
I agree, if it's this hard and you haven't even had a face to face yet, my gosh!! I've been on line dating for about a year and a half now, on and off, and don't really have a lot of good things to say about it, mainly because of this type of thing. It's so hard to "read" these guys, and to tell if they're really interested or just "seeing what's out there." It seems to me that someone who is really interested in getting his love life on track and who is genuinely interested in would have made plans to see you by now. Two weeks may not seem all that long to him, but if he's emailing you almost every day, a couple of times each day, but still doesn't seem that excited about meeting you in person? I don't know if he's snowing you, but something just doesn't smell right. It's also suspicious that he's going to be "busy with work" for a while. I'd say continue your search, keep communicating with other guys, and wait and see what happens with this guy. I'd say the ball's in his court. If he's really interested, he'll come and get you. If he doesn't establish regular contact, ask you "hey, can we meet, when and where?" then you have your answer.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:44 AM.





© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!