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This girl is the one I've been posting about latly, Yes, The one that I felt I wasn't attracted to.

I still don't know if I'm offically going to get back with her. She's got a lot of problems from her last relationship.. I'm starting to relize that it's her, not me.

When we talked on the phone last night, She was as sweet as could be, She seemed AMAZING! The talk went extremely great, except for the part where she said "it wasn't that great" when she started talking about our first kiss, the dragged me down :-\ I wish she didn't say that.. but she said she wanted to get things out in the open.

However, we talked again today (not on the phone, just online) and well, She is back to her old self pretty much. One min she is all loving, next min she is really hateful. It's like as soon as I do soemthing she doesn't agree with... She attacks me.

She's a girl full of problems from her last relationship. She doesn't talk to him anymore though, but still.

Last night on the phone, she said that she has been uptight with me and she doesn't mean too.. she said she is still really messed up about the whole breaking up thing.

I think what's happening is.. She has a lot of anger, and sadness deep inside of her... and she's taking it out on me whenever I do something questionable in her point of view. It's like she's being really protective.

If she wasn't so protective like this, and if she didn't take things out on me.. I think maybe things would work out. When things go smoothly, Everything is perfect.

Right now, She's out of town on spring break... so I still have time to think about things before she comes back. I'm trying to hold on until maybe she can get her own problems sorted out, but at the same time... That's something she needs to do alone.

Right now, I'm talking to a new girl, her name is Amanda. She lives a bit away from here... 40 Miles, but we both talk once in a while and we have a date setup. We both get along great and we haven't had ONE SINGLE "fight"... yet. She's a bit more on the quite side, but she is church going (big thing for me) she lives a calmer lifestyle... we both live very similar lives. and I can honestly say, I do find her attractive. She is cute :-) I'm really looking forward to meeting this girl... I just hope everything works out. She's a year older than the girl I'm "seeing" now.. so maybe she will be a bit more mature, and this girl hasn't been in a relaitonship for a few years from what she said... Soooo... It's sounding good.

She is amazingly sweet though, She'll send me text messeges on my cell phone when she knows I'm just getting up.. she'll say "Good morning!! hope you have a good day!" and at night sometimes she'll say "sweet dreams" :-) and one time she made a comment "that's what i'm here for.. to put a smile on peoples faces!" and on the pictures i've seen of her.. She looks like a VERY happy and cheerful person.

I'm not going to jump the gun, I thought the girl I'm "seeing" now was great and amazing until we got to know each other a bit more. So, right now this girl "seems" great, but I really don't know her yet so I can't make a totaly judgement. Everyone has problems.. I just have yet to find hers.

One thing I have noticed... A lot of girls my age like to play games. For example.. Kim, a friend of mine, She is the sweest girl you'll ever meet.. really soft voice, just totally nice girl, inside and out.. She has a cute daugtor, and the guy she's living with is a mananger at a store nearby. Amazing couple! I like both of them a lot.. However, She goes behind his back flirting with other guys and getting very close to them. I cannot believe she is doing that behind his back...

Okay, Brittney, another friend of mine. She can't keep a boyfriend. She goes from guy to guy like a bouncing ball! She always finds something wrong with every single guy, and wants everyguy to be perfect. She's a nice girl too, and if she wasn't so shallow, I wouldn't even mind dating her.. but she too likes to play too many games.

A girl I dated a while back, Erica. I knew she had a boyfriend, but later on we went on a date.. didn't hold hands or anything. 2nd date, we held hands.. held hands walking her to her car and.. I said something and she was like "I got a boyfriend" and well, when I confornted her about us holding hands.. I was like "friends hold hands?!" and best thing she ever said was "I don't know"... She basicly was cheating behind his back. Now she's engaged to ANOTHER guy!

I'm sorry, but I could keep going on and on and on.. Every single girl I see my age, or near it, are all the same way. I don't know if it's just my age group or what. I'm not saying every girl out there is like that, but I have yet to run accross a girl that blows my socks off... I'm hoping amanda will do just that!

This is why I hate the dating world. I was in two relationships... I was cheated on in BOTH of them.

I honestly think cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a person. This is why I really am worried about getting into a serious relationship.

If everything that is going on in my life blows over.. I can honestly say I don't know if I will ever date again. After seeing first hand how dating is right now in life, and reading things on these messege boards... I can honestly say, I don't know if I want a relaitonship.

A TRUE LOVING relaitonship is the best thing in the world... don't get me wrong, however... it's next to impossable to find exactly that in life.

Sometimes I wish I never got into any relationships in the past (they wasn't very serious relationships, but enough to give just a taste of true love) because I got hurt in both, and simple because, it gave me a "taste" of true love and well, I miss that now.

I get really depressed being alone, and I don't know how I will hold myself together if I stay alone.. but at the same time, The stress of dating seems to be worse than being depressed. I can't win either way.





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