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[QUOTE=lovingyou]:( yes we were intimate during he weekend... I know it's my fault I let it happen! I know I should have said no to that but it was so hard to be next to him the whole weekend... we were behaving with each other as if we were still a couple.. he was behaving with me exactly the same when he was still my boyfriend! He was so affectionate with me.. holding my hands, hugging me, kissing me,... it was not any different! That's why now I am sad because there is silence between us! I am not sure it would be really benefitial for him to be "friends with benefits" with me because we are in a long-distance relationship so we don't get to see each other often! It's just worrying me if now he decided not to talk to me.. and to disappear? but he was telling me so many nice things this weekend.. and he was so kind and caring! I miss him so much![/QUOTE]

Lovingyou, I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but I agree 100% with everything Nini has said in her last few posts. No one is trying to kill your hopes to be mean or anything, it's just that many people here have gone through similar experiences and want to share the lessons they've learned so that others can avoid some of their mistakes (that unfortunately resulted in their learning these lessons the hard way). Please try to take a step back and see this situation objectively, as if it was unfolding between two people you barely know rather than between you and a man you love very much. I think it's pretty clear that he's pulling away from you and not interested in the sort of relationship you seem to want with him. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to change the way someone feels or make them want something they don't want on their own. No matter how much you love him, how hard you're willing to work to make him happy, and how much you want to be with him, there's really nothing you can do if he doesn't want the same things. I wish there were some tips and tricks we could share that would make this guy love you and be with you the way you want him to, but if we could do that, we wouldn't have much left to write about here! :) There's very little logic involved in love and emotions, which is why you can't convince or manipulate someone into feeling something that just isn't there. It's certainly not your fault that he's not willing or wanting to commit to a serious relationship with you--please don't beat yourself up for doing something wrong. It won't help to dwell on the past and blame yourself when really there's no one to blame; it's just unfortunate that you two want different things from each other right now. Just because he was acting loving and affectionate does not mean that he wants to be like that all the time with you--he made it pretty clear that all he wants for the time being was to spend a nice weekend with you. Both men and women are capable of being affectionate and physical with people they don't love, even if their actions suggest otherwise. This is why the best way to deal with a breakup is almost always to cut off all contact, at least until the person who is hurting most is able to heal and move on. If he isn't willing to give you what you want and need from him (and what you deserve from any man!), then my advice is to preserve your dignity and protect yourself from further hurt by respecting his desire for time and space alone.

He's made it clear that he's not at all sure if he wants to be in a serious relationship with you, and since there's nothing you can do to change his mind, the best thing to do is focus on yourself and what's best for your well-being. You can't count on him to come back and make everything okay...if that doesn't happen, you'll just be unhappily waiting and hoping forever! You deserve better, and besides, there's nothing more appealing than independence and confidence. If you can find the strength to let go of him, stop clinging to hope and accept that what happens ultimately is out of your hands, you can devote your energy to living your own life and pursuing your own interests. Trust me, your guy will find you a lot more appealing if you're living a full and contented life on your own than if you're moping around waiting for him and constantly bugging him--neediness and dependence are two of the unsexiest qualities ever! I don't mean to be too blunt or harsh here, but your current approach isn't getting you anywhere, just keeping you dwelling on your sadness and loneliness and preventing you from getting on with your independent life and interests. Try to keep busy and pursue your goals...the only person you can rely on completely is yourself, so why not use this time to get closer to being the kind of person, with the kind of life, that you've always wanted to be? That way you'll be better off and more fulfilled with your life no matter what happens with this guy...and he'll be a big idiot not to take notice of what a prize he'd be losing if he doesn't want you ;). I know it's hard, I'm going through a tough time myself having lost my best friend, roommate & constant companion, and someone I love deeply all in one person...nothing is ever guaranteed in love and all you can control is your actions and outlook. It's a lot more fun (not to mention attractive to other people) if you're active and optimistic rather than depressed and clingy. Good luck and take care--if you hang in there, the pain will lessen gradually over time.





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