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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I know you have strong feelings for this guy, LY, but it's seriously time to think with your head, not your heart. I knew this guy was bad news before, I've never made any secret about how much I do NOT like this guy, but NOW, after his latest antics, I can't understand why you are even thinking about keeping him in your life. Let's review.

He drives you crazy, so you break up with him. You change your mind and ask him to take you back, so he does, then he breaks up with you, but says "you have so many qualities so worth to me" so he says let's keep in touch. He visits you Easter weekend, is all lovey dovey, has sex with you, then just before he leaves, he says "now remember, we're not boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, so don't cry or I'll have to never see you again if it's going to hurt you." Then he blows you off, saying he doesn't mind talking to you but you ruin it with all your "questions" about your relationship and you have to "lower your love", until he wants a place to sleep and a warm body to hump on while he's in your area, so he calls you, and you say "no, it's too soon, I still have feelings for you and am not ready to do the "just friends" thing" so he gets mad, blows you off the whole weekend, so you block him on the internet thing to keep yourself from talking to him and from keeping tabs on him in an attempt to get on with your life. He notices, contacts you and calls you filthy names and says mean, nasty things to you for blocking him. You say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I think it's for the best. Bye." So he says "Oh, I'm so sorry, I guess you hate me now, I don't want you to hate me, I want to stay in your life, I want to be friends!!! Please talk to me!!"

Have I got that all right? This guy has no idea what he wants, he doesnt' know how to treat a lady, he is not the least bit concerned with your feelings and your welfare and what's best for you. He is erratic, and I agree, he is harrassing you now. So tell me again why you're confused about whether to stay friends and keep him in your life??? This is a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned.

I don't want to judge you, LY. I've been there. I know what it's like to be so hopelessly in love with someone who just isn't very good for us, but at the time, you just don't care, you'd rather be with him and let him destroy your life than feel the unbearable pain and loneliness of not being with him. I know how hard it is. I don't know what else I can say to you. As an objective observer, I can see that this man will make you utterly miserable as long as you allow him to. He enjoys keeping you in a constant state of confusion and instability, not knowing where you stand with him, he's enjoying keeping you on a string and playing with you like you were a yo-yo. If you love yourself at all, you'll stop letting him. But I know sometimes it can be so easy to love somoene else more than you love yourself. It can be easier to just let yourself crash against him and let him destroy you just to have him near you and just to not be lonely anymore, but in the long run, it can really hurt you, and the hurt he is inflicting now can take the rest of your life to mend, if you ever do. I wish you would love yourself enough to say "I'm done playing these games, this guy doens't love me, doesn't want me, he just likes playing games with me, and I'm better than that" and never contact him again. I'd love to see you put the blame where it belongs, on him. If he had cared about you at all, he would have understood that you loved him and he would have either respected your choice not to contact him until you were over the relationship without putting a guilt trip on you (I'm going to miss you, you're so special, I'm sorry you don't want to talk to me anymore, but I'l respect it blah blah blah) he didn't respect it, he used it as an opportunity to play with you. He wanted you around but on his terms, didn't want to talk about commitment, or his feelings for you or the future at all, got mad at you whenever you brought up the question of "will we be together again? Do you still love me?" And if he had given a crap about you, he NEVER would have been as nasty as he was to you for trying to move on with your life.

This is such an unhealthy situation on so many levels, LY, I just pray you can see that, and that soon you will love yourself enough to save yourself and kick him to the curb and move on while you still can, before he robs you of any more of your self esteem and confidence and self-security. Please think hard about it, LY.





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