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Hi everyone! I hope you all had a nice Easter holiday! :wave:

HE went back yesterday afternoon. It was a very nice weekend actually! It was hard at times but the strange thing was that HE was so caring, sweet and he behaved to me as if we are still together.. he was holding my hands, he was pretty affectionate with me!

When I met him on Friday evening it was a little strange between us. I guess we both didn't really know how to behave with each other because we were always used to being together as a couple and suddenly we were supposed to behave differently. It was quite amusing because he suddenly asked me where did I go on Thursday evening afer talking to him on msn. He was really curious. I said I had an arrangement.. and he asked what kind of arrangement.. and we started to tease each other.. I said to him 'why do you want to know?" and he said "tell me.. where did you go?" and I made up a story that I went to a party.. and he said "I see to meet your new boyfriend?" .. I said "well there was a guy who asked for my number".. it wasn't serious conversation. but it was quite amusing how curious he was! he then said "im sure you ended the conversation so suddenly because you wanted me to ask you where you went". I said "that's not true.. I really had to go"..

anyway, the next day we spent the day sightseeing! We were walking around, taking photos.. he was holding my hand and was hugging me.. it was really nice but at the same time it was hard of course! We then decided to go for a small lunch and he actually started to talk about us.. I said to him that it's nice of him he decided to spend the Easter break with me! he said he is happy to hear that! He asked me if I spoke to my parents and told them that we are broken up! I said yes. he said he spoke to his mum about it. I asked him what did he tell her and he said that it was because of the distance, that it's hard to have a relationship with someone who doesn't live in the same country and that i wanted to be more seriuos than he was ready. It was quite sad at that time.. I said to him that it's quite confusing because we are behaving as if we are still together and he said that he knows and that if I prefer being distant with each other he will respect it! Well, we talked a little bit more and he said to me that he is being honest with me that he thinks that it's not black and white. he said that he spoke to his flatmates about me and told them that he is still coming to see me for the Easter and appareantly they told him that he shouldn't and that once you break up with someone you shouldn't keep seeing each other and you should just break up! He said he was a little annoyed with them because he doesn't feel that way! he said that he would respect if I asked for no contact but he said that maybe we both will experience two other relationships and then we will realise that we still want to be together afterwards! he says that of course he will have to respect if I meet someone else. But he kept saying that of course he would not be happy if I decided to stop our contact and if I decided to find someone else but he said he would have to respect it! I said to him that I don't want to feel like I am here filling the gap before he meets someone new and then he will drop me and will not know me anymore! He said that he will not do that to me.. he said that he will want to hear from me and he will still want to contact me.. He said it will be a test for us!

Anyway, after that we decided to go for a walk and to lie down in a park. I received a text message from a friend of mine and he was asking who it was and whether it was "my new boyfriend"! i could feel he was a little afraid if I met someone else! In the evening we went to see a musical! It was great! We both really enjoyed it! Again he was holding me and hugging me! After that we had to run to catch a train to go back to my place! When we got on the train.. he was telling me how much he enjoyed the musical and how much he is bored with his job and basically he was telling me how he feels about his job and what he wants to do and so on.. it felt good because he was sharing his worries with me.

The next day we cooked together.. when we met we used to cook together.. we really enjoy it! it was really nice.. we had fun and it was enjoyable! then we went for a walk in my city. it's where we met so he was quite nostalgic.. we went to a fun fair and then for a dinner and then we hired a DVD and spent the evening watchig a movie.. it was quite a relaxing day! yesterday he had to leave. it was really hard actually! The thing was because it was a bank holiday he couldn't get any seat on a coach so he had to take a train. he had an open dated ticket for a coach which is valid for 3 motnhs. he gave me the ticket. I then told him that I can go with him to take him to the airport. he started to say that he thought it was too expensive for me to pay for that.. just to spend 2 more hours on the train with him... but I insisted that I would like to go with him ... I couldn't let go.. I started to worry that it's the last time we see each other and he said that he doesn't think so that I can come and visit him sometimes.. I was sad and I coudn't help crying and he hugged me! I said to him again that I would like to go with him to see him off at the airport and he got a little annoyed and he said that each time if i am sad like this when we are saying good bye that he shouldn't be so close wtih me and he should keep his distance with me because it's hard for me and he said he doesn't want to see me hurting and he said we are now as if we are still together and then he said I don't want you to get confused!.. I said to him that it's not fair what he has just said because we spent such a weekend together.. so then we said bye.

After a little while he sent me a text saying he was sorry about what happened at the train station and that we would not be able to sit next to each other because it's full and he then said "thanks for the weekend! it was nice!"

Anyway, yesterday night i was online and he signed in and he said I just wanted to let you know that I am back.. and he asked me if I was ok.. I said yes I am ok and I asked him if he was angry and he said "no, why would I be?" I said to him that I had a really nice weekend with him and that I don't regret it at all and that I am not suffering.. I don't want him to think that because he came here that it hurt me.. because it's not true and he said "I hope so".. I said that it was just hard to say bye.. and I said to him that I enjoyed the weekend and it meant a lot to me tha the came to see me..

guys what do you think? i guess the worst thing is that he behaved with me here as if we are a couple and he was actually really caring and sweet and then once he was leaving he became a little annoyed and distant.. how do I behave with him now?

PS Lena I am so sorry you had to go through this.. thanks a lot for sharing your sad story with me and with us..
[QUOTE=lovingyou]I was strong and I didn't send him a message or an email after yesterday's conversation that went so wrong! He has just sent me an email that says:

[B]hope u're ok today and work is going well! I'm sorry about yesterday, i told u
many times yesterday I'm sorry so u shouldnt have got so upset. I thought u
didnt want to reply to me so i was worried. BUt after u told me the reason, i
trusted u but u kept on doubting. But i tell u u shouldnt. I trust u! so dont
get so offended please.

Have a good day and sorry again![/B]

So I guess I was the guilty one! Do you think I should reply back? I feel afraid that if I don't.. he won't talk to me ever again or he will not send me another message ever again! :([/QUOTE]

Honey, I think the only thing you're guilty of is being in a relationship that is murky, undefined and one that keeps you in a constant state of confusion. Lovingyou, love doesn't look like this. Real love doesn't keep your stomach in knots and it doesnt' keep you in tears, wondering is he going to be there tomorrow, oh I said something wrong in my email, now he'll never talk to me again. That's not healthy, secure real love, it just isn't. Let me ask you something, what do you honestly think he'd say if you told him straight up "I still love you and when we slept together the other weekend, it felt like we're still a couple and I still want to be a couple with you. I don't understand why you say you don't want to be with me anymore, then continue to sleep with me. If you need space, fine, but it hurts me to be in love with you and want to be with you and not know how you feel about me." I think you know deep down he'd most likely say something like "well, if it hurts you that badly,maybe we shouldn't talk or see each other anymore. I care about you but the distance, I'm confused, I'm into my career, I need space, blah blah blah blah blah..." I thin kyou know that's what he'd say. Do you really want to keep up a relationship with someone you have to be on pins and needles around so much? You have a new job that you need to learn and focus on. Please Please Please [B]PLEASE[/B] don't blow it over this guy. What's at the bottom of all this drama and confusion and tension is the fact that you want to be his girlfriend, but he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. Yes? That's really what it all boils down to. As you know, my advice to you has been to just break off all contact with him and not worry about whether you'll ever hear from him again. But it seems you can't or won't take that advice, which I understand. I know the feelings can run so very deep, and sometimes these things just have to run their course. But he's made it so very clear that if you guys are going to stay in contact, then you must play by his rules. I DO NOT think you're to blame for the little email quarrel you had, but he wants you to think it was your fault, thereby taking the focus off the fact that he broke up with you, then turned around and slept with you without getting back together with you, knowing you still love him. In my book, that's a lousy, crappy, lowdown dirty rotten thing to do to a woman. I'll be blunt, I don't like this guy at all. I don't like what he's doing to you at all. I don't like all the confusion and pain he's put you in. BUT...having said that, if you insist on keeping contact with him, let's take baby steps. Before you touch the keyboard or the IM keypad or whatever to contact him again, I want you to chant to yourself twenty (20) times "He's not my boyfriend anymore, he broke up with me, he's just my friend." Say that to yourself 20 times and try to keep it in your head, and if you hear the word "why" pop into your head at any time during this, pinch yourself and get it out of your head. "WHY" is no longer in your vocabulary when it comes to him and his breaking up with you and his being with you but at the same time not being with you. Communicate with him just like you would communicate with any other man in the world who is NOT your boyfriend. Can you do that? In the meantime, have an awesome day at your new job, focus and learn and do well, kick butt and take names and be excellent and brilliant, and let me know what you think about what I've said to you. :angel:
I know you have strong feelings for this guy, LY, but it's seriously time to think with your head, not your heart. I knew this guy was bad news before, I've never made any secret about how much I do NOT like this guy, but NOW, after his latest antics, I can't understand why you are even thinking about keeping him in your life. Let's review.

He drives you crazy, so you break up with him. You change your mind and ask him to take you back, so he does, then he breaks up with you, but says "you have so many qualities so worth to me" so he says let's keep in touch. He visits you Easter weekend, is all lovey dovey, has sex with you, then just before he leaves, he says "now remember, we're not boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, so don't cry or I'll have to never see you again if it's going to hurt you." Then he blows you off, saying he doesn't mind talking to you but you ruin it with all your "questions" about your relationship and you have to "lower your love", until he wants a place to sleep and a warm body to hump on while he's in your area, so he calls you, and you say "no, it's too soon, I still have feelings for you and am not ready to do the "just friends" thing" so he gets mad, blows you off the whole weekend, so you block him on the internet thing to keep yourself from talking to him and from keeping tabs on him in an attempt to get on with your life. He notices, contacts you and calls you filthy names and says mean, nasty things to you for blocking him. You say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I think it's for the best. Bye." So he says "Oh, I'm so sorry, I guess you hate me now, I don't want you to hate me, I want to stay in your life, I want to be friends!!! Please talk to me!!"

Have I got that all right? This guy has no idea what he wants, he doesnt' know how to treat a lady, he is not the least bit concerned with your feelings and your welfare and what's best for you. He is erratic, and I agree, he is harrassing you now. So tell me again why you're confused about whether to stay friends and keep him in your life??? This is a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned.

I don't want to judge you, LY. I've been there. I know what it's like to be so hopelessly in love with someone who just isn't very good for us, but at the time, you just don't care, you'd rather be with him and let him destroy your life than feel the unbearable pain and loneliness of not being with him. I know how hard it is. I don't know what else I can say to you. As an objective observer, I can see that this man will make you utterly miserable as long as you allow him to. He enjoys keeping you in a constant state of confusion and instability, not knowing where you stand with him, he's enjoying keeping you on a string and playing with you like you were a yo-yo. If you love yourself at all, you'll stop letting him. But I know sometimes it can be so easy to love somoene else more than you love yourself. It can be easier to just let yourself crash against him and let him destroy you just to have him near you and just to not be lonely anymore, but in the long run, it can really hurt you, and the hurt he is inflicting now can take the rest of your life to mend, if you ever do. I wish you would love yourself enough to say "I'm done playing these games, this guy doens't love me, doesn't want me, he just likes playing games with me, and I'm better than that" and never contact him again. I'd love to see you put the blame where it belongs, on him. If he had cared about you at all, he would have understood that you loved him and he would have either respected your choice not to contact him until you were over the relationship without putting a guilt trip on you (I'm going to miss you, you're so special, I'm sorry you don't want to talk to me anymore, but I'l respect it blah blah blah) he didn't respect it, he used it as an opportunity to play with you. He wanted you around but on his terms, didn't want to talk about commitment, or his feelings for you or the future at all, got mad at you whenever you brought up the question of "will we be together again? Do you still love me?" And if he had given a crap about you, he NEVER would have been as nasty as he was to you for trying to move on with your life.

This is such an unhealthy situation on so many levels, LY, I just pray you can see that, and that soon you will love yourself enough to save yourself and kick him to the curb and move on while you still can, before he robs you of any more of your self esteem and confidence and self-security. Please think hard about it, LY.





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