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[QUOTE=lovingyou]Thanks everyone for the encouragement... and the support!

I have been trying to be really strong about it but I am feeling so down! Every morning I get up I have tears in my eyes! Every evening I go to bed I think of him, I miss him and I wish I could talk to him! I blocked him on msn but he is signed on every day! I wonder whether he is waiting for me to sign on?

I am so weak! I feel like I can't move on! I still hope and I still feel like it can't be true.. there was such a strong connection between us! Especially now after I had a chat with his flatmate I feel like I should call him or at least email him.. I feel like I want to talk to him once more time before I can finally know that there is no chance whatsoever... I love him! I have never had anyone so deep in my heart like him! It hurts so much every day! I have to work every day and I hate that I have to put on such a false happy face! Inside I am in pain!! I feel like I cannot accept that he would end it! He has asked about me his flatmate so I guess he must be missing me and wondering what is going on too???

I am scared that the no contact will only push him away and will make him not want me anymore! I am scared that he will think that I am no interested and I don't care if I don't talk to him again! I want to contact him so badly!!! But I am so scared that it will go wrong that I will say the wrong thing... but at the same time I want to tell him how I feel to see how he feels? Especially after the chat with his flatmate I feel like I should? I am so weak! I thought I could but I can't do it without him! :([/QUOTE]

LY, you are getting such great advice here that I think we're a bit confused why you keep posing the same questions we've already answered over and over. I guess it just takes longer for things you don't want to hear to sink in when you're going through such a tough time. I'm really sorry that this whole situation is causing you so much pain, especially since I'm also going through a recent breakup. But the way you're thinking right now, clinging to hope and desperately trying to glimpse signs that this is all a mistake, is just prolonging your suffering and making the situation much harder on you than it has to be. Your feelings of confusion, sadness, and frustration will continue until you fully accept your ex's decision...it doesn't seem to have hit you yet that he's the one that wants to break up, that he's the one that doesn't want to be with you, and not vice-versa. Yes, you told him you couldn't talk to him for awhile because it's too painful, but that doesn't mean it was your choice or your decision to cut off contact. You really don't have another option if you want to have any peace of mind unless of course he changes his mind about breaking up. But you have already talked to him several times and made your feelings clear; he obviously knows you'd still like to be his girlfriend, but over and over he has repeated his desire to be single and no longer in a relationship with you. That was his choice, and there's nothing you can do to change it--refusing to accept the reality of the situation may seem to blunt your pain right now, but ultimately your denial will cause you more pain in the long run than if you accept that the relationship is over as of now and begin moving on with your life without him.

Please remember that it's completely normal to feel lonely, sad, and just plain miserable after a breakup. You are not any different from anyone else who goes through a similar ordeal in that regard...it doesn't mean you're weak just because you're hurting, but it also doesn't mean that you are meant to be with your ex or that everything will eventually work out between you guys. As Nini said, whether or not you choose to see it, your ex is selfish, manipulative, and knows just how to mess with your emotions in order to keep you hanging on to the tiniest shred of hope in case he does change his mind or wants a booty call. I know that you probably feel like no one can possibly understand how much you hurt, miss him, and love him, but in actuality, these feelings are quite common following just about every breakup. It's normal to mourn the loss of someone you love, but in order to begin the grieving process and move toward healing, you first need to admit to yourself that despite your best efforts, the relationship is over for good. The longer you hold out hopes to the contrary, the longer you will delay the healing process that you need to experience in order to move on, and the more difficult, painful, and prolonged that process will eventually be for you.
I would hate to see you spend years moping around just because of one guy who quite frankly doesn't seem nearly as interested or concerned with you. You can't make someone love you or want to be with you; all you can control is how you respond. Since your ex is only thinking of himself and his own selfish interests, you need to be similarly self-focused and from now on do only what is best for you. Is it better for you to be left in this miserable limbo indefinitely, or is it better to accept that he has moved on and that you need to do the same? I think the latter option is much better for you in the long run and will give you a much better chance of being happy and even finding love again before too long.

Again, I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time, but it will get easier in time if you take steps toward moving on with your life. If not, I fear that you will have a much tougher time getting past this painful ordeal...I strongly suggest that you don't call him, no matter how much you want to talk to him. He's not going to take you back or change his mind, and since that's what you'd be hoping for, talking to him will only make you sadder and more disappointed. However, maybe you need to do that to finally get it through your head that the relationship is over...but you're probably not going to find anyone to encourage you to keep contact going with your ex, because we all know how much additional pain that can cause following a breakup. Nini is right about the last paragraph of your post--he doesn't want you now, and unfortunately nothing you can do will change that. He's made his decision, and it's out of your control--as much as you would clearly like to change his mind through taking some action, it's just not going to happen. He already knows that you're still interested in being with him and that you still want to talk to him...but he hasn't chosen to act on that information and get back together with you. Quite frankly, I think you deserve a lot better: you deserve a guy who never doubts whether he wants to be with you, and I wouldn't suggest taking your ex back even if he did change his mind. No one who loves you the way you should be loved would cause you this much pain. I hope you do find a way to start moving on soon and that things get easier for you...in the meantime, hang in there and please avoid contacting your ex, for your own sake.





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