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Hi everyone!

Thanks so much for all your opinions and your support! I appreciate it so much!! :wave: :)

It's been really hard since he has gone back home after we spent such a nice weekend together! I miss him and I think about him quite a lot actually! I feel pain inside me but I am trying to be strong about it.. It's so hard though! I met my friends on Friday evening and they took me to a bar and we had a nice chat... we haven't seen each other for a long time so there was a lot to catch up on! On Saturday they took me for an afternoon trip and we spent a nice afternoon by the beach talking, relaxing and enjoying the sun! I must say that they managed to occupy my mind but there were times I felt really sad and I kept checking my cell phone.. I thought maybe he will send me a text message.. I thought maybe he will be worried why I haven't replied to his email.. well, I haven't received any message! Does it mean that he does not care anymore? How could it happen after such a nice weekend we spent together! On Saturday evening I met another friend of mine and she took me clubbing! I must say it's really hard to be on your own again.. being single again..It felt strange! When I saw a couple kissing or hugging I had to go away! I couldn't look at them! I was so sad inside... I was imagining he might be kissing someone else.. I was thinking about him.. I was sad that we are not anymore together! My friend tried quite hard to support me.. we were drinking and then we went on a dance floor.. I haven't been dancing like this for a long time so it was quite strange and at first I was really protective of myself! I wouldn't let anyone come closer to me or even look at me.. but slowly I felt I was dancing and enjoying myself.. but I would not let a guy talk to me! I want to be on my own and I don't want any guy to come up to me. Anyway the types of guys we saw last night were not really the guys I go for so that was another reason why I was so in my own world! When we were walking home my friend mentioned to me that it must be really hard for me now.. well, it is actually! I miss him terribly! I missed him so much last night! I came back and now I am at home feeling bad because i haven't replied to his email! I worry he is going to forget me now and think that I don't care, I am moving on so he won't contact me again!

You know I am so sad thinking about the situation and I just cannot understand how could he move on so easily! How could he be so close, affectionate, sweet with me last weekend and then he left home and he is single again! He has only sent me that one email after such a weeekend! It's making me sad that he doesn't seem to wonder why am I not replying! It's making me sad that he doesn't call to ask if everything is ok..

I received an email from HIM on Friday afternoon! the email says:

How are u? what are u doing? are u ready for your new job on monday?
i look forward for the weekend....

xxx

I didn't have the opportunity to reply to him on Friday because I decided to go away for the weekend to visit some very good friends of mine! I want to send him an email back but I am not sure what to say! would you have an advice for me please?? I worry he won't contact me again because I didn't reply to him straight away!!

I still love him and I still hope! When we were out with my friends I couldn't see anyone else! It's like he is the picture of my mind!
I sent him an email this morning! I felt like I had to do it to get peace in mind! Here is what I wrote:

I would like to say to you that the reason why I decided to cut contact for now with each other is because I know that I need to respect your decision. I know that if I stay in contact with you I would not be able to respect it fully and I would be still asking you questions about us and I know that right now it's not something you need and want from me. When you said to me that I should move on and forget about us, I knew that the only way I can do it is not to stay in contact with you for some time. I honestly didn't mean that it's for good. I want you to know that it's extremely hard for me to do that because I miss you and you are still very special and important for me but I had to follow my mind this time and not my heart! It may have sounded to you on msn that it wasn't important to me but the truth is that it is very extremely important for me! I had to decide something that I am not exactly happy with but I knew I had to!

My aim is not to forget you or loose contact with you for good! It's not at all!! It's to become stronger about the situation because I still have strong feelings for you. I will not change my email address and I would like to see you again! I just need time to get over the hurt from the break up and to feel stronger on my own without you! You asked me to promise to you that we will meet again! I would like to say that I promise to you that we will because I would like to see you again but because you were the one who decided to stop I knew that at the end of the day it depends on you if you want to see me again that's why I said to you that I hope that we will! But if you want me to promise to you that we will and if it must depend on me then I promise we will and I promise that I will not cut the contact for good! I am sorry if I made you feel bad on msn but that was not my intention and also I don't think badly about you! I am just trying really hard to understand you and to follow your decision!! I am trying to respect your decision by respecting my decision. Could you also promise me that you will meet me again and talk to me after some time? Please forgive me for my decision!

Take care!

This is what he wrote back:

I do understand completely what and why u are doing this! That's why i'm not
going to insist to make u change your mind. I respect u a lot and i like u a
lot too. That's why i want to respect that. It's very hard to know i will not
hear from u and not see u for a while, specially when i dont know how long this
cut will last but i will do it. I feel very strange to know i wont see u for a
while and i feel sad. Because just before your decision even if we were not
together any more, i knew we would stay in touch and in a way i felt u were
still next to me and it was reassuring for me because i had the feeling i could
rely on u and come back if i wanted. I know it was a selfish feeling but don't
reproach me it because i did that because of my feelings for u. Now when i feel
u keeping your distant, i feel bad and realise i will not be able to rely on u
and i will definitely loose u. But everything is because of me , it is my
decision and i should be accountable for it. I had to consider your position
and not only put myself in a confortable situation. So yes i accept your
decision and i will respect it because i know u're taking the right decision no
matter how hard it is for me.
I just want u to know u were my best and u will stay in my mind and heart for a
while!
Finally i want to say that of course i want to see u again. I promise it and
i'm the most sincere ! i 'm not going to let u get rid of me so easily . I
already miss u so much...
But i just want u to know that whenever u need or want, i will be still here
for u and i don't want u to hesitate to contact me because i will be so happy
to hear from u and help u! My best wish is to see u again and to know u happy!
so u can always rely on me.
When u feel stronger, i want u to contact me! until then i will disappear and
be waiting for ur email or ur call. I will also strive to find my way in this
strange jungle that is life...
i like u so much!
millions of kisses! Take care!

It's so sad!!! I feel so sad but I know in my heart that we both care so much and it's so hard to let go for both of us!! I feel that I have made the right decision now! But I still feel like I wish I could hope that maybe in the future we could find the way to each other! I love him! He was being really honest with me in his email! I really appreciate it! I was scared that he would blame me but he hasn't! He has been really good about it! I miss him! Oh my God I miss him so much!! It's so hard to move on! But now at least I can do it peacefully with no guilt feelings or feeling bad about my decision! Do you think it could happen in the future for us?

I REALLY APPRECIATE the support you all have given me since I came on this message board! It's been really empowering and it gave me so much strength! THANK YOU so much!!! Without you I am sure I would still be making mistakes! I guess I find it hard to interpret my own situation and to know how to deal with it! Thank you all!! I need your help to be able to move on!! You can't imagine how much it means to me your support! It's so hard for me because now I am slowly realising that it's over but you are right I have a hard time to accept it! It feels strange! It feels like it can't be over completely!

LY





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