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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

What you are feeling is natural. Completely. It will take a while, and the situation that you have now put yourself in (new place of your own etc) is very promising. It shows signs of progress even if you don't feel it.

The thing is this... you are now torturing yourself with the whys and all the other useless questions. They aren't helping you, and they are irrelevant. You may never understand why he did the things he did. Maybe he doesn't either. Maybe he felt you just weren't meant to be a couple. Maybe his feelings changed and he didn't know why. Whatever the reason, wanting to find the answers will only hinder your healing. The answers may not want to be what you want to hear, may only hurt you more, or may only confuse you more and raise more questions - and most importantly - THEY WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING or make you feel better. The thing is, the relationship was great once. It was no longer like that in the present... and you can't live your life hanging on to the past or how someone "once" was. For some reason, he chose to let it fall apart. It's a part of life, not everything works out the way we hope, no matter how much love or effort we put in. The only thing that you need to think about, is how you participated in the relationship and how you could improve some things. I'm definitely not saying that any of this was your fault, but are there some things that you would do differently with your next bf. Perhaps it could be to not be as passive, or to not tolerate verbal abuse, or to learn to use your intuition more... whatever you feel will make you an even better person. You only need to concentrate on yourself now, and doing what you need to to ensure that you feel good about YOU. You know you are a good person who has much love to give, so you know you have much to offer someone else. And I'm so glad that you realised this and made the break. Indulging in online dating when you're in a relationship is not on - there is no excuses. And you do deserve better.

So anyway, stop torturing yourself with the questions. Try to stay busy or pull yourself up when you feel you are analysing too much. Start to enjoy your life. Heal and feel better and build your confidence again. If he didn't come chasing after you, we all know it's his loss... but he did not appreciate you anyway. You know you did the right thing for yourself, and it is sad to let go of someone we love.... but in time you will be fine as long as you keep believing that you deserve better!!!

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