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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hi Nini,

I realize his mom is just making excuses for him, and maybe even telling me what she thinks I want to hear. I know his behaviour has been terrible, and I definitely don't want to continue our relationship under his terms ever again. What is so hard is that I know how much I meant to him at one time, I know it was real. He was always so weary of getting into a relationship to begin with, but after a few months it was great between us. I was looking at the Valentines card he gave me last year, and he had written "I like you...a lot! And you mean more to me than all the rest of my distractions, so please be as patient as you have been, I am a work in progress" He said that to me again the other day, that he is a work in progress. Just give him time. But I know that is no excuse to be mean to me and I had to stand up for myself. I feel like over these last few months he has felt he was missing out on stuff by being in a serious relationship. We had different ideas about where/when it was going; he knows I want to get married, but I have always understood that he is a long ways a way from that. He is only 23 (I am 26) so I have had to be patient because he is a lot less mature than me. I always told him I loved him enough to wait for that day, and I am busy with university for at least 4 more years anyway. But I don't want to be treated like **** in the meantime. A few weeks ago, I had gone with him to town because he needed to go to the bank to see if he was going to close a big deal. He asked me to come, and then when we got to town he insisted I wait at the mall. I was upset because I wanted to be there when he got the news...I had no intention of going into the meeting, but I planned on waiting in the lobby of the bank and he was adamant that I couldn't do that. This was a sore point for me, because his business partner lives in another country and I am never allowed to answer the phone if he calls. When his partner brought his family out to visit last year, my bf was really weird to me in front of him. Like we would go out to dinner and he would sit next to him and his wife instead of beside me, and he would barely talk to me in front of him. Later on he told me that he didn't want him to think the relationship was really serious, because he wanted him to know he was focused on work. For all I know, the guy thinks I am out of the picture by now and has for awhile. Apparently one of his other partners has an annoying wife who trys to control him so my bf doesn't want to give him the impression that he is controlled or some **** like that...this really bugs me because I am a well-educated, polite girl and I was nothing but hospitable to them while they were here. I feel like my bf is embarrassed by me or something, and I know that he has stars in his eyes about the guy because of his success. So the day in the bank, I was really upset that he didn't want me to even wait for him and I insisted on coming. My bf tried to take me into the mall because he said he wanted to buy me a watch, but I knew that he was trying to find an excuse to leave me there. So I went into the store and said well then lets look at rings instead, if you want to buy me something for my Xmas/Bday present 3 months late, at least get me somehting I want. Now I feel badly about doing that. I knew he had no intention of buying me a ring. I just want him to realize that I am not a threat to him, to realize he isn't missing out on anything and he is losing something a lot more important. And I hope letting him go and giving him the space he wanted does that.

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