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i don't know what to do anymore...the story is too long to rehash here...but basically i'm trying to get over my first real love...we had what started out as an affair...we had been close friends, he was dating my friend...but we knew eachother for a long time first...the affair started, they broke up for other reasons and we had a couple of encounters together after that and then i moved away...he had another GF and they just recently broke up...he works at my father's store and he became obsessed with getting his job back there as my friend who does the hiring took hours away from him since he hurt me..and i really wanted him away from my store...

that person is now gone and i was the one that allowed him to come back...he has emailed an apology long ago about how he treated me and we've since become acquaintances again. I could not figure out why he wanted to come back to the store since it would cause awkardness again..and he had a GF at the time...as soon as he got back he phoned me from there and we talked for 2 hours...as friends, it was nice but suspiciuos as i wondered if i was the reason for wanting back there so he could contact me and have the excuse of work.

after this, i seen his then GF (or i thought) out one night (me and her go to school in a province 3 hours away)...and she told me off as if i had broken them up...this is the first time i had even seen her...her friend said he had said i tried to get with him while they were together...this is, of course, not true, however, the last time we were together they may have just started seeing eachother...but i didn't know this...and so he may of cheated on two girlfriends with me...without me knowing of the second one.

so, i was very confused how i had broken them up and felt it had to be more than just him saying i tried to get with him..and others thought he must of said more. Me being his boss basically decided that the only way i can run a store with him there is to not bring this up and to try and just forget it all...but he brought it up on his second phone call to me that same week, and asked about me talking to his now x-gf...i asked why she hated me so much and if there was a reason and all he did was say "well yeah" and then he was very awkard and so i cut him off and said "never mind, it doesn't matter anymore" and tried to go back to work topics.

since that i was coming home and was going to see him for the first time in 6 months pretty much...he was single now and i knew it would be odd. I walked in to work and he had a hard time looking at me but by the end of the day was flriting with me but apoligizing for doing so.

the week went okay...i found out a new girl was in his life..he assured me she was just a friend but he seemd to like to make me jealous. we got along great and i pretended i didn't care about the other girl and acted like we were just friends...

the xgf came in to the store when i was there and threw me off my game...it was like he planned for this and since he called me 5 times that morning begging me to come early he really may have planned it...so after she leaves i'm feeling odd and he keeps begging me to tell him what i'm thinking right now "just say it" he says but i don't, cause i don't know what i'm thinking...

the day goes on like this...awkardness...and the fact that the xgf was upset she had seen him with a new girl...the night before...he tells me this but still says she is a friend.

so, later on he leaves..we seem to be just arguing and he is confused and i am too at what's going on...he tells me to call him the next day when i get to work so he can come say good bye but i don't do this...i ignore it.

i come back to the province i'm living in now and feel bad i didn't call so i email and even talk about him making a road trip over here someday...cause he had mentioned that before when we were getting along really well..almost addicted to eachother well..

i phone the store and he answers i ask if he got the email and he lies and says no...i know for a fact he got it...don't ask how...

so i'm taken back but move on from that. he is friendly asking when i might come home next, etc....

i find out that night that he had said to my friend that works there that him and his girlfriend were out the night before...(the night he told me they were just friends the next day)...then he says the other day before talking to me ...to my friend that he wants her to meet his girlfriend...

he knows this will get back to me and it hurts so much since we have such a connection. I feel like he may of been testing the waters while i was home keeping himself single but being really careful with me as he knows he hurt me before...and since i didnt' blurt out my feelings he ends up with the new girl he seems so proud of.

i don't know if he's worth trying to confess to or to leave it alone...but i'm going crazy trying to figure out if i should have done something...but felt that he should confess for once as he knows i had feelings before.

what do i do...do i say something now or is it useless since he's in a brand new relationship and happy....

i'm petrified he will marry her..she is the same sign as me and we are a perfect match..that may sound crazy but it frightens me so much...

what do i do and keep my dignity...and my sanity????





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