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This may be a little long and I apologize.

I've never considered myself hard-up. In fact, I'm very picky. But, recently, I realized that I have extremely strong feelings for a certain man. It started about six months ago. I got a new job, moved to a new city, and got a little crush on my boss. Now, the crush part isn't unusual because I get those all the time. They usually pass once I get to know the guy and realize he's not interested or better as a friend. And I also didn't think much of it because I was to be transferred to another location at the beginning of the year. Plus, I found out soon after starting work there that he is also engaged.

Now about three months ago, I made a conscious decision to just get over it because I was placed permanently at that location. I took on more duties because one person left and they needed help. Because of this, I ended up working a lot with this guy. Now, I never expected to think more of this guy than a sexual attraction because I didn't think he was my type(plus, he's a little younger than me) But, as we got to know each other more, we found we had a lot in common. And he seemed particularly interested in knowing personal things about me, which kinda caught me off-guard. I would occassionally ask him personal questions and when I asked him about this fascination with marrying so young(everyone I know is married or getting married), he pretty much said that he's doing because that's what you're supposed to do when you've been living with someone for so long.

On top of all this, he's been incredibly sweet. So sweet and nice that I was confused as to whether he was an unusually nice guy, gay, or just really into me. I figured that he definitely was most likely into me because I've seen him checking me out and giving me looks(and sometimes staring!) And sometimes he'll do or say things that struck me as jealous. It's really been more of a mental thing as neither one of us has been bold enough to do anything that would be too inappropriate. But, we've definitely flirted alot.

Now, I've always been aware that he was engaged(in fact he hasn't been engaged long), but from things he'd said before, the wedding wasn't happening anytime soon. But, something changed, I guess, because all of a sudden, the wedding is this summer.

That pretty much made me snap out of it and realize that I just need to get over it, even though I've never felt this way about anyone. I can tell when I'm lusting for someone or if it's just silly infactuation, but for the most part, I just love being around him. I think that I love him and I definitely believe that we have a pretty intense connection.

I'm pulling back now because I don't want to be too hurt. I think that he's got his life set up so permanently that changing anything now would turn his world upside down.

And as I sit here watching 'Sleepless in Seattle' I keep thinking, how do I get over this when it feels so right? How do I let it go?





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