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[QUOTE=Ninispjc]Yeah, thanks Ruth, I guess it helps a little just knowing other women have trouble seeing the line as well, and I'm not just a total moron. :confused: I just find this all so exhausting enough without having to wade through the BS and game playing.[/QUOTE]

Nini, I'm so sorry to hear that this guy turned out to be full of BS...there really isn't any great way to tell when someone's being sincere and when someone's just casually joking around. Reading your post actually made me feel a little guilty--I've always been a very flirty person by nature, even with guy friends for whom I have no romantic feelings, and your experience made me realize that while such behavior seems fun and harmless to me, it could be misleading and hurtful to others. It sounds like he was just trying to be friendly and flirty--I doubt he had any intention to disappoint you or follow through on his flirting--but that doesn't make it any easier for you (or anyone) to be able to tell the difference between joking around and sending out romantic signals. To some people, there really is a game-like aspect to it--well, let me see if I can get this guy to like me, or let's see how many guys I can get to flirt with me, or let me see if I can feel better about myself today by getting some guy to pursue me...but ultimately, it's not really fair or harmless to toy with people in that way. I wish I could say it was just men who engaged in these games, but I've definitely played myself quite a few times. Remember that not every guy who flirts with a lot of girls is a total jerk or a player who cheats and sleeps around...but Nini, you're right to note that the line between such behaviors is pretty thin and often blurry. I'm glad I read through this thread; it helped me realize that I should be more concerned and careful about how other people feel, rather than telling myself that it's all harmless fun. That said, there's nothing wrong with flirting in moderation with people who are available...it keeps you feeling attractive and desired and helps keep your flirting skills sharp for when you really need them.

Oh Nini, my heart really aches for you having to go through so much loneliness and disappointment. You are so wise, caring, generous, and sensitive--it just doesn't seem fair that you can't find someone who will love and appreciate all your wonderful qualities, when so many jerks and losers have no trouble finding relationships. Know that we are all pulling for you, and here to support you whenever you need a place to vent or some friendly support. I for one refuse to believe that your streak of bad luck can possibly continue for much longer...I'm hoping that if you keep an open mind about dating online, some great guy will come along before you know it :) and give you all the love you've waited for for way too long.

Sophia, I'll write more to you on the appropriate thread (online dating), but please don't get too discouraged about not hearing from this guy yet. For all you know, he could REALLY like you and be extremely nervous about coming on too strong...so just try to be as relaxed and laidback as possible. You're an amazing woman with tons to offer, and only an idiot guy wouldn't see that. Anything that is meant to be will work out naturally, and if a guy isn't interested in pursuing anything further with you, I'm sure it's because of his own issues and has nothing to do with you. But anyway, I'll save the rest of this for the other thread and will stop here and go back to wishing you luck from afar for the time being. Happy Easter everyone and have a great night!
[QUOTE=Ninispjc]And Realguy, yes, what you say is true, and I think goes without saying. But I get the feeling you think I go out on a date and immediately start off with "boy I sure do miss my ex. He was so great and cute, not at all like you, I wish I were with him right now instead of you!" Eh, no. I've said before I never even mention my ex at all unless they ask about my past relationships, and then I keep it brief, concise and without detail. I keep it positive, and smile as much as possible without looking goofy or insane! :D[/QUOTE]

Nini, I believe you. You might be the sweetest, most polite and courtious person, and you will still meet people who aren't going to appreciate it. You know, those guys have issues too, many of them a lot more major issues than yours. Your issue of being somewhat stuck on the ex pales in comparison to some of these people's issues. My friend knows this guy who is 47, never married, and has been doing the online dating for YEARS! He met some nice, elligible women too, but he rejects them all for really trivial reasons, all the while claiming he wants to get married and have children. He just has such a severe phobia of commitment that I don't believe he can ever change. I met him once briefly--he's an average guy, short, slightly balding, nothing really special about him that I could see. Apparently, he was interested in dating me! That was the best joke I've ever heard. And I bet you, if I did agree to date him, he would find a reason to dump me too, I'm convinced. So, don't feel bad if some bozo doesn't seem interested. It might have nothing to do with you at all and everything to do with them. Remember, we just need ONE guy who is right for us, that is one for you and one for me, respectively :D





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