It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Re: Online Dating
Mar 27, 2005
Hi everyone and thanks for the replies! So far I'm really liking online dating...I'm sure as I get more experience I'll get frustrated with people who aren't taking it seriously, flaking out, or just plain weirdos. But as mentioned previously, there's no reason why you couldn't meet these undesirable matches anywhere far at least, it sounds and seems to me like online dating is a way of meeting people, just like any other. What happens after you meet doesn't necessarily have a lot to do with where you met--I can meet guys at parties/clubs/bars/libraries/colleges who are jerks, and guys at the same places who will make some woman very lucky someday. Being connected mainly though online methods like email and instant messenger could create problems with potential matches who seem very interested and promising at first but then disappear off the face of the earth. But you're likely to run into losers and jerks and guys who aren't really available anywhere you I don't know. I like how online dating provides some anonyminity (I am a very private person). I don't like talking on the phone much and I certainly wouldn't want anyone dropping by uninvited, so in a lot of ways I like that guys online can't find the necessary information to bother or harass me. I also like the ability to screen out guys who don't fit my criteria for acceptable dates--it's so much fun to run a search engine on possible dates! :D Personally, I am completely unwilling to date a guy who is politically conservative, religious, short, or traditional in his views toward gender roles, and I just love screening out any guy I know I wouldn't like before he gets a chance to pursue me and make me uncomfortable.

I can see why online dating appeals to people who have lots of dating options, but enjoy the convenience, discretion, and ability to be picky provided by online dating sites. I'm sure there are plenty of losers on there and people with no hope of ever dating otherwise, but those people are everywhere, and just because you date online doesn't mean you are obligated to pursue anything with someone who doesn't interest you. I'm just glad to have a chance to look over their pictures before I have to commit to meeting them or anything--I don't mean to be shallow here, but I just don't see any point in dating someone to whom I feel absolutely no attraction. Maybe a guy has a lot to offer and would make a great friend, but if I don't have any physical/sexual attraction to him, I see no need to date him when there are so many cute, sexy guys out there. It probably helps to be fairly young as I am and therefore get to meet single guys before most of them have settled down, but on the other hand, meeting older guys increases one's chances of meeting someone older who is ready to commit. It all depends on what you're looking for, but I like that through online dating, you can pursue whatever sort of relationship you want. I like to be upfront and honest with men, and I like that online dating affords me the opportunity to screen out guys who I'm not interested in and guys who don't respect that I'm not looking for a serious, committed relationship at this time.

Nini, I definitely agree that not getting much more to go on than a picture and a basic profile isn't necessarily the best way to judge compatibility. Have you ever considered trying that dating site where they do a thorough personality profile on each member and make matches based on a a variety of compatibility measures? I think someone has mentioned that to you before, but it has struck me more than once since then that site might really appeal to you. I can see how you'd be frustrated through sorting through millions of profiles of guys your age who aren't necessarily looking to find love or settle down with a woman their own age...but I bet most of those guys go for sites with more members that provide minimal information along with easy access to pictures (which the site I mentioned does not seem to prioritize nearly as much). For someone like me, who isn't really interested in finding a serious relationship anytime soon, I think online dating is probably more attractive with less of a downside than for people like Nini who are ready to find love and settle down. Stormgirl makes an excellent point that there is no real way to tell someone's true intentions and situation over the internet, but then, as other posters replied, how can we be sure of anyone's true intentions (no matter where we meet them or how long we know them). Unfortunately, sometimes very promising relationships which are blessed with a great deal of love just cannot survive in the long run. It seems that everyday, more and more people are surprised at the hurtful betrayals of partners they adored, partners about whom they were SURE they knew absolutely EVERYTHING.

Nini, thanks a lot for your safety tips and advice. I was hoping to hear some suggestions for how to take as many precautions as possible, and your advice was really helpful. I definitely agree with you that it's very tough to judge whether there is any chemistry or connection with someone until you meet them in person (and unfortunately, even then, feeling that spark doesn't guarantee that things will end happily ever after). But I'm not opposed on going on a couple of not-so-great dinner dates as long as I get a free meal out of it! It's okay with me if things don't work out--at least I only wasted one evening, I got some valuable dating experience out of it (along with a nice meal), and I can rule out one prospect and move onto other, more promising, potential dates. I can imagine that it's a little more difficult to act according to the assumption that we can afford to be picky because there are always tons and tons of men left in the dating pool when you are closer to wanting to settle down, but I think we're all amazing women who should be very optimistic about our prospects.

I've never been one of those girls who believes that marriage is the pinnacle of achievement for every woman and dreams of her wedding day--quite the opposite, in fact. I very much enjoy the power, freedom, and independence of being a smart, young, liberated woman with all the opportunities in the world to pursue my passion. To me marriage is just the beginning of an equal, loving partnership (and not at all necessary for a happy, lifelong relationship, ESPECIALLY THE WEDDING PART--I would NEVER want to blow that much money on one stressful day!), not my ultimate goal in life which I expect to fulfill all my needs and desires. If nothing else--and believe me, I am incredibly grateful to Patrick for teaching me so much else about love and patience--I am glad we were together because now I have a much better grasp of the importance of being contented and fulfilled on your own before you jump into a committed relationship. Anyway, I know I've drifted a bit off topic here, but I hope you are all doing well and that some great new online dating opportunities show up for you soon. :) Take care everyone!

PS--Sophia, have you heard anything else from the AWOL guy :) (sorry, I just love Goody's terminology sometimes). I don't see why European guys wouldn't celebrate Easter or take advantage of the holiday to travel and see some friends or relatives. Please don't be too quick to write this guy off after only a few days--for all you know, something could be distracting him that has nothing to do with you. Don't worry any more than you have to before you know all the facts. Yes, I know some guys just disappear out of nowhere, but that's an inevitable risk of dating. Most of the time when you think everything is going well, it is, and any signs to the contrary are usually just coincidental. No matter what happens, I'm positive that it's nothing personal and therefore there was nothing you could have done to change things--so please just have faith in yourself and all your wonderful qualities, and trust that the right man for you will come along and be stunned at his luck to find a woman like you. Please take care of yourself, spoil yourself a little perhaps?, and keep us posted. I will be thinking of you, Nini, Lisa, and all the other lonely but wonderful posters out there and wishing you all the very best of luck in your search for love :angel:.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:32 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!