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Re: Online Dating
Apr 9, 2005
Hi Nini,

I didn't mean for it to come across like I was saying that you should continue to pursue someone who doesn't ever answer his phone or return your messages. That's just completely rude and unacceptable, particularly when he may be using this as an avoidance tactic only with certain people. Why do some people have to be such cowards and not have the guts to just be upfront and honest with people instead of evading them? Anyway, I was talking about someone who rarely picks up the phone when it rings (personally, I'm often just not available or not in the mood to talk) but is prompt and reliable about returning calls and keeping in touch. I think we're actually on the same page about this issue; I was just a bit confused about what you were saying. I think you're right not to pursue this guy any further...if he wants to get back in touch with you and apologize for his rude behavior, that's one thing, but I agree with you that you've done all you can for now.

WOW, 30% of online daters aren't actually available--well, unfortunately, I believe this stat and bet it's true. I guess I'm not in a position to say too much because technically I was still attached when I joined my dating site, but I also wasn't actively looking for a new man at that time. Hopefully most of these people are just looking as well and not starting up any relationships while still involved with someone else, but I'm sure there are some people out there who will always cheat and use whatever technology is available to make it easier, more discreet, and more convenient. On the other hand, I think that couples who are dating casually for a short time and haven't made any exclusive commitment shouldn't necessarily expect fidelity. I've seen girlfriends get way too attached and way too far ahead of themselves after dating a guy a few times--if she likes him, she starts acting like he's her boyfriend and so I think sometimes people who classify themselves as being in relationships really aren't as commited as they'd like to think. I met a guy online who told me that he'd dated a girl who ordered him to take down his dating site profile after a few weeks of emailing and one date in person!! :eek:

Nini, I know it's hard, but please try to keep your faith in yourself alive. You have so much love to give and so many wonderful qualities to offer a very lucky man, and I really think that will happen for you someday. The more you believe that there will be love in your future, the more likely it is to happen, so why not try? I know you want to be realistic and not set yourself up for any additional disappointment, but unfortunately, I think you'll probably be disappointed if you remain alone regardless of how high your hopes were. If you can stay positive and optimistic, you will exude a much more appealing, inviting air and have the best possible chance to attract the right man for you. I understand that it must be really tough to keep your faith that you'll find love when you're still waiting for it to happen, especially because you've only been in love once and most people need to experience it to really believe that it's possible to be deeply and truly in love more than once. I know it's hard to have hope at this point after many years alone, but at this point, it's worth a try, at least in my opinion. No matter what, we'll all continue to encourage, support, and believe in you 100%. :)

I'm also having some trouble with the whole politics/religion issue. When it comes down to it, I can't intellectually respect a man who obliviously and passively accepts everything some church or those criminals who have illegitimately seized office in the US tells him. The absolute most important thing to me in a guy is that I respect his intellect, his curiousity, his skepticism, and his willingness to question authority and accepted wisdom. Any man who accepts whatever he's told without demanding evidence and carefully evaluating the logic of a particular claim just doesn't appeal to me at all; I couldn't possibly be attracted to a hardcore religious Republican man. So it's been tough so far, because a few of the guys I've met online who I really like otherwise have been incompatible for me on those issues. I'm not sure if it's something I can compromise on or instincts tell me no, but I think I'm going to at least meet these guys and see if there's any chemistry between us in real life. After all, I'm not looking for a committed relationship or anything serious right now, so I don't have to find the perfect guy, just some nice men to date while I'm enjoying playing the field ;). But in your case, Nini, I can definitely see why you're having a problem finding guys who are both religious and liberal. I would stick to the most educated, intellectual guys--I think those people out there who are really rigidly devout and conservative generally haven't been exposed to much in the way of divergent ideas. Hopefully you'll be able to find someone who suits you perfectly, or who is at least close enough to what you're looking for that you guys are still compatible even if you don't exactly agree on everything. I guess it depends how important those issues are to you (sounds like they're very important to both of us) and how much you're willing to compromise at this point in your life, considering the kind of relationship you're seeking. I definitely would advise you not to waste any time with guys who you compltely disagree with, but there are plenty of men out there who are fairly moderate on both issues, so maybe you could find a suitable compromise. I just really hope that someday everything falls into place for you, Nini, and that you finally find the wonderful love you deserve :)...we're all rooting for you!!

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