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This is my situation. I have been married for nearly 3 years. My husband has for most of this time been the most loving, adoring man that you could ever imagine. About a year or so ago, he found a text message from me to a mutual friend of ours telling him that I love him. He freaked out of course. It was a joke between the friend and I because we had become fairly good friends with everyones disapproval. My husband called me at work when he found out. I flew home, told him it was a joke, reassured him how much I loved him and thought that was that. Well that was the begining of the end so to say. A little while before this I had gotten of of birth control pills b/c we had talked about maybe starting trying to have a baby. My whole mood and attitude changed. I started to become depressed and shut myself off from the world, including my husband. I would stay gone late, wouldn't want to have 'relations' or anything to do with anything. I shut out my friends and everything. I couldnt explain to him how I felt of why I felt this way and all he could come up with was that I was cheating on him.

Back in November we got into this huge fight because I wanted to go to the grocery store by myself undisturbed and he couldnt understand why and said that I must be going to see my boyfriend. The fight got slightly physical on both of our parts, his because he was so frustrated, mine because the more he wanted to go, the more determined I was to go by myself. Anyway, after this episode, I stayed with my parents for about 3 weeks.
I just showed back up at home one night before he came home from work. During the time I was gone, we would talk, but usually it was only b/c I called him. He was less than thrilled when he came home to find the there. He said I should have called and asked if I could come back, and that I couldnt just waltz back in there like nothing happened. I told him I was sorry and I wanted to make things better. For a little while they did. He reminded me everyday though that he couldnt trust me. Now he started stayin gone all of the time and went and did things when I wanted him to stay home and do something with me. Around the end of December, he told me that we should not have sex anymore so that we dont accidently get pregnant with our marriage the way it was. I told him I wanted to go to conseling but he refused. Anyway, things got worse. He would stay gone all of the time. I have a procedure done at the hospital, and not only did he not come, he didnt even call. The night before and the night after. He didnt stay home with me. Even though he was off work, he just left me at home by myself.
He did nothing special for valentines or my bday. In fact, the bday present he gave me was a total insult.
On march 2nd, while trying to contact his cell phone, it wouldnt go through. I checked his vm to find a message from another girl, calling him 'my love' and saying call me at work and I love you. I freaked out. When I finally got in touch with him he told me that he didnt know who it was, it must have been a wrong #. almost 2 hours later he decided to come home. After asking me several more times who it was he finally told me it was a girl from work who was 'playing jokes, just like you and 'bob'(the friend I joked with) I was hysterical. I told him to get her on the phone, he put her on speaker and just talked to her all non chalanty. And hung up. I then got on the phone with her. Of course I was upset and demanded an explanation. Instead of being apologetic and embarrased for the 'joking' she flat out told me ' don't get smart, if you want to be an a** i dont have to tell you anything and that will just leave you to wonder' I asked him to leave that night and he hasnt been home since. After he left I obtained detailed statements of his cell phone bill with her home and cell phone #s all over them. He has know idea I know this girls name, phone #s, where she lives, what she drives everything. She is married with 2 kids, so it makes things even more complicated. He has lied to me so much since he has been out of the house about things. He lied to me about what her name was, he went to a party and swore to me before it there was nobody else from work and told me the day after that he was the only person from work that went, when the reality of it was that he picked her up from the store they work at, drove her to and back from the party. His excuse for the way he was acting before he left the house was that I left so he had to find new friends and its not his fault that I dont like them. (its another group of friends hes talking about) I've talked to a lawyer and hired a P.I. At first I was in total denial, but now the reality of it has hit. And this past week has been really hard, especially at night. Through all of this he has not once tried to sit down and talk, has never said he misses or loves me or hasnt given any signs of wanting to come home. We talk on the phone some, and have only seen each other briefly twice since he has been gone. Every time i ask him if he wants to be married anymore, or if he still loves me, he only dances around the question. I love him with all of my heart and don't know why he would do this. It doesnt make any sense. His only answer for anything is why would I cheat on you I have too much too lose, I'm in a band and I play for the church. His too much to lose never included me. I just don't know what to do. I try to be strong and not call him, but it is so hard. My heart wants to tell him, I'll forgive whatever you've done if you come home and make things normal. But I know I cant let someone walk over me that way. I feel like he doesnt even care. And when I ask him if he cares all he says is 'why wouldnt i care about you' not 'of course I care about you' or of course I miss you'. I am so so sorry that this is so long. I just really need to hear from someone who has gone through a similar situation and can offer some encouragement and comforting words. Thank you so much. and please pray for me :(


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