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Relationship Health Message Board

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Well I do think it's unfair for her to have led you on, knowing that she would not commit to you in any way. It is also quite immature to think that you would treat her the same way as her ex did. Surely she must know that there are no guarantees in life. You can't ever guarantee that you will never break up, it's not possible. But loving someone is a risk, regardless. Is she going to just flirt around with people for the rest of her life because she is afraid to be hurt again?

When she comes back I would be quite blunt with her. Let her know that she should not have led you on if she had no intention of wanting to be with you in that way, especially seeing that she must have known that you had feelings for her. If she is so worried about losing your friendship, why did she do this? Tell her that while you can not guarantee that you will never break up, you can guarantee that you are not her ex and would never treat her badly no matter what happened. She will have to put her heart on the line again if she ever wants another relationship, so she may as well do that with someone that she already trusts if she really likes you. It just makes me so mad because I have a guy friend who is in exactly the same position and this girl is taking everything she wants/needs from him without a second thought to what he wants/needs or how this is all affecting him. I just find that someone who does this is very immature and self absorbed, and I would probably think twice before getting involved with her anyway.

With that being said though, she may just need more time to heal and be ready for a relationship - I don't know her, so I can't tell you which one is the case. Still though, it doesn't say alot that she still led you on. If you are prepared to wait and just be friends until then, then you must make this very clear. Which means she doesn't get to use you for affection or intimacy or any other benefits unless she wants to be with you. It's only fair, and I would hope that she would respect your feelings enough to comply with this.

Good luck!!

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