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so here are the details ...

She stuck it out with me through losing my job twice. I have ADHD and tend to go through jobs easily. Plus I wasn't taking any medicationf or it then, but I am now. We did talk on and off through the two months. I called her every couple of days and said hi, and she told me that she missed me, and wasnt sure what she wanted to do until about a week ago when she said that we shouldnt talk anymore and move on.

Our mutual friend is very trustworthy, another reliable and very good hearted person that I feel I can trust. She said that my x told her that she began to fall out of love with me a few months before she left me, and didnt leave because she didnt want to hurt me. Which probably explains why it was easier for her to move on. Now usually, hearing that I would have moved on and started dating other people, but our mutual friend likes to leak information here and there to me in hopes of us working things out. So every other day she tells me what her and my x talked about. Apparently my xgirlfriend is only dating this guy because she does wnat to explore her options, but told myself early on, and our mutual friend that she doesnt want to fall in love or sleep with anyone anytime soon in the coming months because she wants to be single, and because she still has feelings for me. When we talked, a week and half ago, she told me she still loves me alot, but itsnt in love with me, and wants to meet other people. She told me to move on too, and istarted seeing this girl. When she discovered that I was seeing the girl she flipped out and wrote me an email asking why i moved on so quickly, followed by another email saying nevermind, i did tell you to move on. Before we stopped talking she was considering coming back to me, but hasnt because i think she is enjoying her freedom.

However, our mutual friend told me that this guy she is seeing who lives for hours away asked her to be his girlfriend and she said no, because she still had feelings for me and wanted to take things slow. I'm prepared for her to move on and date other people, possibly even sleep with other people ... i can except that ... what confuses me is all the mixed signals she has given me .. leaving me, and telling me to move on, then flippin out when i do, but then saying its okay. She says she still loves me and misses me, but wants to explore her freedom too ... i told her that i just wanted her to be happy. Our mutual friend thinks, strong may i add, that she will date a few guys, and realize what a great guy i am, and see how much i've improved my life. I know only time will tell ... she wanted to stop speaking to me because it was hard on her talking to me. So she told our mutual friend that she wanted to cut off contact for a while, let her live her life, and see how she feels down the road. Its like love roulette ... do i chill, work on myself and hope that she realizes i'm worth it, or do i move on and take the chance of meeting someone else, in which she returns a month or later too late ...

Basically, I'm 23, I've had my fair share of relationships, I've slept with 6 people, and I really truly loved her, in fact she was my first love. We talked alot about getting married after college ... i think maybe thats why its so hard to let go ... i still feel like shes the one, and i understand why she left, i dont blame her ... i wouldnt want to be with someone that didnt have any ambition to get better .... i should have improved my life when she was with me, not after she left me .. which was my mistake.

These are hard times ... i've never felt such a loss like this before. But I am keeping my head up and continuing my success ... I just hope she has the ability to recognize it. Because i love her, and even she admits, when things were good, they were amazing ....

I guess time will tell, i just wish it would tell me a little faster lol ...

so thats the scoop. thanks for all your kind words. I truly appriciate all of your opinions, and agree with alot of what you have to say !

S





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