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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index


I will type you a longer response tomorrow when I'm not 3/4 of the way asleep, but for now I just want to say a few things. I can't offer you much advice because I'm in the same situation (remember me:?)- my guy and I are talking on the phone, in-between being together and not being together, and I have made the decision in my mind that I cannot go back to how we were unless MANY things change, and I know that they most likely won't. I'm letting go, and most importantly, in my heart. But anyway, there are certain points that you MUST keep saying to yourself over and over. I think it was StormGirl who said that you deserve more than to be treated like a burden or rubbish. (I remembered that because I say it to myself over and over again all day long.) I KNOW your ex is a workaholic, but when men want something, they go after it. At least most of the time. That may sound like a generalization, but it's often true. If he is not including you in his life, even as busy as he is, and he is not making you feel like you are THE MOST or at least one of the most important things to him, he is treating you like crap on HOLIDAYS, and making you change your OWN behavior to fit HIM, then he does NOT want you. I know that sounds harsh, but I keep telling myself the same thing about my boyfriend. Him telling you that he can't handle the pressures of a relationship now is truly just an excuse, no matter what way you look at it. You have to remember that even though you do truly love him, you might just love the fantasy of what you want him to be like or what you hope he will be like more. I even think him calling you on Sundays is letting you down easy because he knows how hurt you are, and feels really guilty and probably even sad that the relationship had to come to this. I know that the only reason my man wants to keep the calls coming is because he can't handle being alone, and wants to keep me around for when he NEEDS something- a warm body, a self-esteem boost, a favor, etc. You are SUCH a devoted, loyal, caring, committed, wonderful girl, and you CANNOT allow yourself to waste your time on someone that is only partially yours now. Or that was once yours. Or maybe someone that was never yours (but I believe he DID truly love you at one point, from reading your posts, and now feels guilty that he no longer does, like my bf.) You cannot sell yourself short. You know that you want more than to be treated like a pain because he has a lot of work to do, more than a girl who's man "doesn't want her to get her foot in the door" regarding living arrangements. I'm sorry, but if this man at LEAST cares, he's a real jerk. I think it's going to be REALLY hard, but I think we can both get through these situations that we're it. I'm really struggling now, and I don't even feel like I'm officially broken up with my bf anymore b/c of the phone calls, but I know in my heart that I can't subject myself to the kind of pain and lonliness that our relationship brought me. What's even worse is that I still can't accept that he doesn't love me, even though he told me so himself! *Sigh* So yeah, I really do know what you're going through. Julia, use self-talk all day long. Tell yourself over and over that you are worth more than this, and remember all the times you felt an aching lonliness, even though you guys were still "together." It's not worth it.


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