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My ex and I are broken up, but he says it is time apart and he hasn't ruled out getting back together eventually, he just wants to be on his own right now and can't handle the pressures of a relationship. I am not very hopeful about things; I know he truly loved me at one point, and I know how wonderful our relationship was and how well I fit into his life until he began his company. I feel like he is a different person right now, he is young and successful and wants to project a certain kind of image and I just don't fit into that picture at the moment. Some people say that he will realize what he is losing eventually as the novelty of everything wears off, but I know him. He will never be satisfied with the success he has and will always be focused on work. I am also pretty upset about certain things; the other day he told me that he wasn't abandoning me or rejecting me, he just needs time apart, but he also doesn't know when/if he will want to be together again. He is going to be calling me every Sunday (his idea) so that we can talk and get back to where "things are natural between us again". I feel abandoned and I feel rejected. I am left here in what was originally our apartment and have to be out on the 30th. Originally I was supposed to stay with him until the 3rd of may and then he was going to take me to the airport (3 hours away), so now I am left in a motel and have to find someone else to drive me because I have a cat and can't take the train. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss him because i need him; I know i will be ok. It just hurts to know that he doesn't care enough to help me. Also, he doesn't want me to come and see his family anymore because he says it is too hard for me, so I have lost them too. I think he is just afraid we would fall back into our relationship again if we spent too much time together. Even though we have broken up, there is such strong chemistry between us and that is really hard. I am trying my best not to figure out what he is thinking, and concentrate on me, but I am so afraid that oneday he is going to say to me...listen I think it is better like this, just friends. And then I will want to jump on a plane and come and see him and make him change his mind. I feel like I just need to spend time with him in person, and yet in my head I know that if he really loves me that he won't have to see me in person to know that, that he will miss me and want to come to me. Maybe I am just worrried about the distance between us. I am so scared that I will never see him again. What is also killing me is the idea that there is some other girl out there, who doesn't know it yet, but is going to fall madly in love with him and she is going to bring back all the feelings he doesn't have for me right now. My dad says that no matter what, she won't be me and no one will treat him as well or love him as much as I have these past 2 years. He himself says he is not interested in being with anyone else, that it is the relationship he can't handle right now. He feels like he can't take on anymore comittment right now, and he knows that I have been wanting more comittment from him, even though I have always told him I would wait until we had the rest of our lives figured out. My dad says if I love him then I will give him the time and space and wait for him and see if he calls and really is interested, but that I won't wait forever either. I know that the whole point of setting someone free is to wait and let them decide if they want to come back to you, but it is so hard. I know I can't talk about it with him, because I don't want to frusturate him or make him feel pressured when he calls or I will just push him away further. I just don't want to be lead on...it is so stupid to be this desperate about someone who hasn't even treated me well for a long time. I know I could go out and find someone else and I know I have a lot to offer that other person, but it isn't him! He came into my life when I didn't have anyone else around, and I think he represents a sort of security to me. Also, his family meant so much to me because mine are so far away. I don't want to lose that, and I really really do love the guy, for all his faults...I can't imagine never seeing his smile or some other girl being in love with it, or ever being nearly so attracted to someone again. We have always had a really good sex life as well, and I feel so comfortable and secure with him (he always made me feel that way) and the thought of being with some other guy disgusts me. I know he is really comfortable with me too. I guess I am just venting here...I am trying to not obsess about this situation and study, and it is so hard to mentally concentrate on something. I know only time will tell, I just wish I could fast forward a few months.





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