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Relationship Health Message Board


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WTM, I went through almost the same thing when my best friend went through a divorce. We never lived together, and it her husband, not her, who did the cheating, in fact he became very verbally, then physically abusive and forced her to leave, then he kept the kids and moved his mistress in, and married her a few months later. This was just shy of their 10 year anniversary, and if they had made it to 10 years, she would have been entitled to some of his work benefits, but instead she walked away with literally nothing. She was hurting so badly, and I knew it, but I didn't realize just how badly she was hurting. She also became very self destructive, drinking a lot and sleeping around. I tried to be there for her as much as possible, but she would turn on me and get angry and frustrated with me if I didnt' drink with her, which I just don't do. I met someone and it was very hard for her. She couldn't really stand to be around my ex and me, and when we broke up and I was shattered, her only words about it were "oh, get over it!" This was the day after he left me. I tried to continue to be there for her the best way I knew how but she just didn't want me in her life anymore, and we broke contact. I think all you can do is love her as best you can and let her work through her pain. You may consider calling her mother and telling her what a hard time she's having and that she needs someone. I think right now she needs more than you can give her, and you shouldn't feel guilty or like you failed her. She may even need couseling. Divorce is hard, even when you initiate it or mess up your marriage. The suicide rate is much higher among divorced people than it is among single and married people. Ultimately her life is in her own hands, and she needs to find a way to pull it together. If she can't, it certainly isn't for lack of your trying. Make it clear to her that you love her like a sister, but your relationship with your man needs to be nurtured and tended to as well. I'll pray for her and you, and good luck to you. :angel:





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