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Hi everyone…
I posted not to long ago about how after a 4 month break-up, my boyfriend and I are back together. Well things are going great with us now and we are talking about marriage and getting a house together in the next year or two.
Here’s the problem…
While we were broken up, I moved into an apartment with a friend of mine who is going through a divorce. We signed a year long lease.
That’s fine; I have no problem living there with her for the next year. I know she needs me right now and I myself have always wanted to live on my own for at least a little while before settling down and getting married (not to party, but just to grow up a little and learn how to take care of myself).
I have known this friend for a very long time and she is like a sister to me. The problem is, when I got the apartment with her, I was broken up with my boyfriend and I didn’t think we would get back together. So of course I was doing anything I could to move on because I was very broken hearted. My friend was in the same boat since she’s going through a stage in her life where she really wants to go out and meet many people. She was married for a year and a half to a man she’s been with since the age of 15 therefore really has never experienced being young and going out. So we got this apartment down town, went out a lot, met new people…. It was great, but I never stopped loving my boyfriend. I wasn’t as into it as she was, and she knew it. I was really just going out to get my mind off of being sad and to be there for her.
Now that my boyfriend and I are back together, of course I want to spend time with him. I am not being one of those girls who gets a boyfriend and forgets about her friends. I see her almost every night when I get home and I make it a point to go out with her at least once a week so she can still have someone to go out and meet people with (although its not the same). I stay up every night listening to her talk about herself and her problems and I do everything I can to make her feel better about her life.
She has gotten very depressed since I’ve gotten back with my boyfriend. He lives in the suburbs and I live in the city and before this we were together for 3 years. I want to be able to go stay with him for a night once in a while. I want to be able to spend time with him alone once in a while. This is what we’re used to. But every time I make plans with him my friend gets all depressed and calls me throughout the night crying about what a looser she is because she’s all alone. The problem is, she has no other friends or at least it seems that way. I think she has become pretty co-dependant on me since we became roommates. It’s her fault she’s so alone… She had an affair and made it pretty obvious to everyone what she was doing but nobody wanted to get in the middle of her marriage so just ignored it. Needless to say, this caused a lot of our mutual friends to loose a little respect for her. Although we have a lot of other friends, nobody really goes out of there way for her…. Her own mother has even become very distant from her since the affair. I am LITERALLY the only one she has right now.
My boyfriend and I do try to include her in our plans but at least once or twice a week we would like to have some alone time. Plus, throughout the last 2 months he has done so much for her (paying for her any time we all go out, buying us groceries, fixing things, buying things for the apartment)…. Never once has she even said thank you. She also has become quite the…ummm…. No nice way to put it but lets just say she brings men back to our apartment that I have never seen or heard about before on a regular bases.
Because of this, my boyfriend is starting to not like her at all. He doesn’t feel good about strange men being in my apartment at night while I’m sleeping and I can’t say that I do either. I also have to admit that she has been very self-centered and unappreciative of everything that we have done for her over the last few months.
She’s my best friend and I love her. I know that she is just going through a very destructive stage right now. I don’t like the way she’s acting all the time, but I also don’t know how to change it.
I also feel extremely guilty constantly, like I’m letting her down. Here she thought that we were going to be living this “sex in the city” lifestyle and then I go back to my relationship and everything she thought it would be like has changed… (I have never been the “party girl” so I don’t think she should be so surprised by me not wanting to party with her every weekend anyway.)
My question is, what do you guys think? Should I feel guilty? Did I lead her on (that sounds dumb, but that’s kind of how I feel)?
But she knew all along that I always loved him and him me. She’s not looking out for my best interest by making it difficult for me to be with him. He is a very good man and our reasons for breaking up had only to do with his fear of commitment and marriage. Now he’s here and he’s totally committed to me and wants to marry me now if he could
(I know its real, I feel it in my heart).
If she’s a good friend, she should be happy for me right?
I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do…. Do I just go along with my life, let her live hers and ignore her calls on the one or two nights a week I’m not with her?

I want to be there for her, but I don’t want to risk my relationship with my boyfriend either. Relationships are hard work and I don’t see it working if we constantly have a 3rd person, who’s not even very nice lately to worry about all the time.
But I’m worried about her too. She needs help, and I don’t know how to help her…

What would you do????

Thank you, and sorry this was so long and all over the place. There is so much more I could say….





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