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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I usually agree with Goody's great advice, but I don't think this particular issue should be dismissed so easily. Yes, everyone has a past, but the way he refused to share it with you and turned around and attacked you for just asking a few questions seems like a big red flag to me. I remember being very curious about my exes' pasts, and they would always open up and tell me whatever I wanted to know without getting hostile or angry with me for asking. It just doesn't sound like this guy treats you as lovingly or respectfully as you deserve, particularly if, as it sounds, this sort of argument happens often. Personally, I wouldn't stand for that kind of rude treatment for one more minute if I was in your shoes, but I'm also a lot less tolerant and forgiving than most women. I just know that I've never had a relationship where after several years, I still couldn't get a straight answer about whether he loved me without a big ordeal...that just seems very odd and unhealthy to me. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but I also believe that you deserve A LOT better treatment than your BF seems capable of giving. A loving boyfriend would be patient, understanding, open with his emotions and feelings, and never let you doubt where you stand with him. I know you love this guy deeply and have been together for a long time, but his actions are not normal or acceptable in the context of a serious relationship. If he was really capable of completely opening up and loving someone in a healthy, commited way, he just wouldn't be so mean and distant. There's no excuse for his behavior...please believe that this is not how boyfriends are supposed to behave. Love should make you feel safe, cherished, and sure of yourself, not frustrated and confused--it just doesn't sound like you're very happy (which is completely understandable given his disconcerting and hostile attitude), and I just don't see someone like that changing their behavior after three years of being rude and distant. Even if he's wonderful at other times, there's really no excuse for repeatedly making you feel so unhappy and unsure of his feelings and commitment to you. If I were you, I would cut my losses and move on before it gets any more difficult or his borderline emotionally abusive, controlling behavior escalates any further. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I hate to see a good person being treated so poorly by someone they love and trust. I hope everything works out for the best...good luck and take care! :)

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