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Re: Call from an Ex
Apr 12, 2005
Hi Sophia,
Your thread really sparked my interest and I could not resist posting. I dated my high school and college sweetheart for about 6 years. We went to college in different states so we had a long distance relationship for many years. We both dated other people while we were in college. He broke up with me after I left for college because he thought we should see other people. (At least he was honest and did not do it behind my back.) My heart was broken, but I was not going to stand around waiting for him and dated other people. Within a few months of the breakup, he came running back to me and told me he had made a mistake and there was no one that compared to me so we continued to date long distance.
We were each other's first love. While we were in college, I broke up with him several times because I felt that he was putting other things before me, but now when I look back I wonder if it was just due to his age and immaturity. I was always mature for my age and wanted a serious relationship.) Although I knew he really loved me, he was still in college and liked hanging out with the guys etc. After graduating from college, I moved to Manhattan and we continued to date long distance. He would fly in to see me during school holiday's.
Our final break up was December of 1981 when I thought he was once again not putting me first. That was our final breakup. Several years later, I received a call from one of his fraternity brothers, totally out of the blue. (In our previous breakups, he often had one of his friends call me first, to "test the waters" and see if I would be receptive to talking to him.) I was at this point, living in a totally different town with a new phone number so he had to do quite a bit of investigation to find me. My heart started racing and I got so nervous about the possibility of getting back together with him and getting hurt again that I rushed him off the phone. I told his friend that I was very happy and dating someone.

The point of all of this is that I have NEVER stopped wondering "WHAT IF." I have been married for almost 19 years to somone else, but have had alot of hurt and hardship in my marriage. I often think about my first love and wonder if it was just immaturity and if I had given him time to mature, maybe things would have worked out. (His dad used to refer to me as his future daughter-in-law) I got along great with his family and think of them occasionally as well. I think we have both been keeping track of each other through a class web site. (After I posted some information on the web site, he did too. Neither one of us has contacted the other, but I just have this really strong feeling that we both have thought about it.)

I don't know if things will work out with your ex-boyfriend, but I really think you whould give it a chance if you really loved him. Otherwise, you may always wonder "what if " I think this is the only way you will ever know for sure. Just be very careful. Only time will tell if he is ready for a serious committed relationship. Do not sleep with him, or you will get caught up only in your feelings for him and it will make it impossible to realistically evaluate the relationship.

Good Luck Sophia. I wish you the best. :angel:
Re: Call from an Ex
Apr 15, 2005
Why would you be scared of talking to him and asking him what his intentions are with his sudden appearance in your life, these phone calls, and dinners?

What do you have to lose? Your guard is up, he's not going to break your heart - You are too smart for that.....It's exciting that he's reappeard in your life, he making you feel wanted again - yeah it's a bit scary for you - because you have those feelings coming back - Sophia, you have felt pain before, you have had your heart broken before and YOU GOT THROUGH it...

You shouldn't feel Scared to Speak Up for Yourself, you should feel empowered that this guy is again interested in you - Show him the new Sophia who won't put up...Alone on Saturday nights, you have lots of value to offer him...if he wants it...You would love a meaningful relationship, not some causal affair,,,,you are not into Games.....This isn't a new guy in your life - this is an ex-boyfriend who seems to want a relationship with you again.
Maybe He has changed,,,,BUT....Sophia has changed too - You are stronger, wiser, and able to communicate your feelings of what you will accept and what you won't.....

what do you have to be afraid of losing here? Someone who is either interested in you as Who you are? or someone that is playing games?

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