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My relationship
Apr 8, 2005
Hi all, Im sort of new to the boards and this seems like an interesting topic and I wanted to share my situation. It might be kind of long..so Ill try to summarize good.

Im 25, my boyfriend is 21. We have been together for almost a year and a half. Hes a very mature guy for his age in most aspects, he has a great IT job and alot of the same goals and plans as I do. We met through a Car club and both drive Mustangs...lol.

Things were pretty cool for the first few months, I had never dated anybody before really and he had only been with one person, we were both virgins. We waited about 3 months before having sex. It was great, so far so good.

So about 4 months into our relationship we started having problems...I guess typical stuff, honeymoon is over type crap and lack of communication. It got pretty edgy there for a while and we almost broke up a couple times, but we worked it out and things just got better and better which was great.

Fast forward to year anniversary, things still going well...I started having some money problems..basically my fault from spending way too much on my car and getting into some credit card trouble. I was looking for a new job at the time but ended up stuck back at my low paying job and having to use more credit to live for a few months. It was pretty stressful.

After coming up with a few plans on how to solve my problem, he offered to help me out, which he did...and now all the debt I had will be gone by the end of summer, which was a hefty amount. His will be gone too by then short of his 2 car payments. I am in the process of selling my car right now, since we plan to move in together and he has 2 cars that meet our needs.

So recently things are still good with the exception of stress over the money issue, which will be gone soon enough and gets better every month that we are closer to debt free...some stress over my weight which is mostly a personal problem but Im working on it now because I know it will better our sex life most definately, and a little issue of his ex...

His ex calls him often and they talk alot. She has moved to Illinois, he lives in Virginia...so ist not exactly a threat but she has broken up with her boyfriend...but will continue living out there. But now she is single and I get a little worried about her intentions in talking to him at times. He admits that they flirt innocently. He says he has slight regrets that they never worked things out and in his own words "that they never had sex because she was hot"...we are very open with eachother but sometimes hes TOO open. I cant fully blame him for this because I have been tempted as well, but I would never cheat, and I seriously doubt he would either...for many reasons, I definately trust him. He says she sounds like she wants him to visit her and he said that is where he draws the line...I agreed, and said I would definately NOT be good with that. I guess one main problem I have is that he sometimes refers to her as a "best friend" and they talk about relationship issues, and he often talks to her about any problems me and him have. In a way, its ok to me because if anybody knows how to be honest with him about if something may be his fault in a relationship..she might be the one. But on another level, I just find it disturbing.

Another thing that can be a problem...hes not forward about sex at all. Ill start to get worried that something is wrong if we go a week without...until finally we are laying down on his bed and he says "so are you gonna give me some sex"? and im like...yeah I guess. I have told him a bunch of times, I wish if he wanted it he would be more forward, and do something about it, be agressive...do something. But he doesnt react to that. I guess in a way I am just as bad and we both are shy. In general though things are good when it does happen. Hes not much of a kisser so there isnt alot of making out or playful foreplay which bothers me...but not TOO much. I partly blame myself that I am somewhat overweight and it takes some of the fun away from sex. He has agreed with me in a way that fixing that problem would help things alot.

So that is the general idea between things. He can be a stubborn guy and immature at times but his strong points are my weak points and vice versa...I think we make a good match when we communicate openly. We talk about marriage and I beleive it will happen, we are planning on buying a townhouse at the start of next year.

So I guess that is my situation. Anybody else ever had similar problems with guys not being sexually aggressive? This can be a frustrating thing.





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