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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hey everyone.

It's been a while since I've had my own thread, they're known to be novels, so forgive me ahead of time, I'll try to keep it brief and to the point.

My SO and I have been dating almost 2 years, about 9 months ago I brought up the idea of living together (he'd purchased his own home, and I live in an apartment under my parents house). He was very opposed, stood firm that he would never live w/ a woman before he was married because that's the way his values were set as he grew up. After some arguing over time regarding this, I came to terms that this was a conviction that though I didn't agree with, I would accept because I cared for him and knew how religiously he was raised - he was concerned about his parents disappointment, as well as the idea of going against something that had been put into his head as a big no-no since day one.

Long story short, after I dropped it and accepted the idea, 2 weeks ago he told me he'd like me to move in. He'd spent the last month or so talking to his friends, though long and hard about the effects it could have w/ his parents... and decided he really wanted to live with me. This move in is the perfect transition for us, as I think we're at the start of seriously considering marriage (just not right away). We are both VERY happy about this decision, and I was surprised but pleasantly so that he so strongly considered my convictions despite my agreeing to let it lay.

Now. The problem. For 10 years as a result of molestation as a child, I suffered from General Anxiety Disorder - pretty severely. To the point where for several years I couldn't even really leave the house long enough to go see a movie or eat a full meal at a restaurant. Outside of day to day tasks (School / sports at the time...) I couldn't do much of anything.

2 years ago I met with a therapist who helped me a great deal. I think over the last year and a half, I've had maybe 3 - 4 anxiety attacks, minor ones compared to the kind I used to experience - I can go where ever I want, travel wherever I please etc.

Problem is, ever since we agreed on this move, I've felt VERY anxious. Moving has always been a very difficult thing for me as a result of all of this. I'm tearing down my 'comfort' zone. My safety, so to speak. It's stupid, and completely in the mind, but when I transition and try to rebuild in a new place, there's always a good month long buffer where I just feel like crap.

Though I've been feeling sick to my stomach (knots/butterflies frequently, sometimes I get alittle shaky) - overall I've been able to stay on top of it and spend most of my time at the new place while I stop by my current place to pack back and forth.

Tonight I don't know what happened. I am having a horrible anxiety attack and I have trouble not feeling very depressed about it. I mean, it's almost 2am. We were in bed, sleeping, his phone rang and shook me awake and since then I haven't been able to shake this anxiety attack (about 3 hours). I decided it might be best that I come 'home' for the time being and try to sleep here, plus I have xanax here just in case this doesn't go away, that's been the only meds I've ever used to help me should they get out of hand.

Anyway, the advice part:
How was it for you men and women out there who experienced your first big move/step?

I have only lived with my parents, and then alone (in an apt. under the main house that we purchased together a few years ago - totally seperate from their house) for about 3 years. I've never lived with a roommate, or a boyfriend. (I'm 24).

I'm nervous as heck. I'm a little scared. I'm excited and happy too. And apparently, I'm anxious.

Any tips, advice - memories - whatever, would really help. This change isn't going to be huge, as for the past year and a half we've spent 6 nights a week together just going back and forth to eachothers homes for dinner/sleep. We've lived together practically in two locations. The big change is that we're losing our 'alone' time to a degree, sharing a residence rather than sharing two, and I'm leaving my place behind to move into his.

HELP!! This anxiety is tearing me down...





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