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Relationship Health Message Board


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I thought I'd jump in here at this point and offer some advice as someone who has been there, done that. I can completely understand what you are going through. Several years ago I found myself married yet involved in a physical and emotional affair. It's next to impossible for someone to understand how both my lover and I were in love with our spouses yet developed a very intense, emotional bond with eachother. We ended it because it was wrong (obviously) but also because it got way out of hand. Neither of us had anticipated the strong emotional connection we felt. We tried to end it many times. We tried the; let's not see each other but just the odd phone call. It didn't work. We tried the; let's not talk to each other but just keep in touch by email. It didn't work. It took us over a year to finally get up the courage to cut all ties. By this time we hadn't been physical in over a year but the emotional connection was as strong as ever. So we cut it off completely. No contact. Not even on birthdays. Not even if you have the most exciting news in the world to tell me; not even if something is horribly wrong in your life. No contact, ever again. It was worse than death and to this day, every so often I get the itch to just email him to see how he's doing. But doing that would only start things back up . . . not physically (I would never do that again), but emotionally. We can't control how we feel about someone. We can only control how we choose to deal with those feelings. My situation is somewhat different than yours in the fact that I loved my husband and would never have wanted to leave him for this other man. My advice to you is that if you really want to see your marriage through . . . either to find out you have married the right man or to find out you have made a mistake, you can only do it by completely cutting all ties with your ex. Easy? Not for a minute. It was, and at times still is, difficult to say the least. I had gone through the loss as if it were a death. Not eating. Looking forward to those times when I was alone so I could just break down completely and sob, feel sad, feel the loss.

My second piece of advice is to really understand why you are feeling the way you are about your husband. Yes, the possibility is always there that you have fallen out of love. It happens. But also remember that marriages, just like friendships, go through highs and lows. You need to establish whether this is what is happening with you. I could write more but I will end it here. You have a heck of a ride ahead of you and understand that it will not be easy. I wish you luck.
[QUOTE=Moving Forward]I thought I'd jump in here at this point and offer some advice as someone who has been there, done that. I can completely understand what you are going through. Several years ago I found myself married yet involved in a physical and emotional affair. It's next to impossible for someone to understand how both my lover and I were in love with our spouses yet developed a very intense, emotional bond with eachother. We ended it because it was wrong (obviously) but also because it got way out of hand. Neither of us had anticipated the strong emotional connection we felt. We tried to end it many times. We tried the; let's not see each other but just the odd phone call. It didn't work. We tried the; let's not talk to each other but just keep in touch by email. It didn't work. It took us over a year to finally get up the courage to cut all ties. By this time we hadn't been physical in over a year but the emotional connection was as strong as ever. So we cut it off completely. No contact. Not even on birthdays. Not even if you have the most exciting news in the world to tell me; not even if something is horribly wrong in your life. No contact, ever again. It was worse than death and to this day, every so often I get the itch to just email him to see how he's doing. But doing that would only start things back up . . . not physically (I would never do that again), but emotionally. We can't control how we feel about someone. We can only control how we choose to deal with those feelings. My situation is somewhat different than yours in the fact that I loved my husband and would never have wanted to leave him for this other man. My advice to you is that if you really want to see your marriage through . . . either to find out you have married the right man or to find out you have made a mistake, you can only do it by completely cutting all ties with your ex. Easy? Not for a minute. It was, and at times still is, difficult to say the least. I had gone through the loss as if it were a death. Not eating. Looking forward to those times when I was alone so I could just break down completely and sob, feel sad, feel the loss.

My second piece of advice is to really understand why you are feeling the way you are about your husband. Yes, the possibility is always there that you have fallen out of love. It happens. But also remember that marriages, just like friendships, go through highs and lows. You need to establish whether this is what is happening with you. I could write more but I will end it here. You have a heck of a ride ahead of you and understand that it will not be easy. I wish you luck.[/QUOTE]I dont think she is in love with this guy, Just wants to see him and say hello. Darn if you like your boyfriend as much as you say, WHY are you married,? I feel bad for your Poor husband, If my wife did that to me, She be gone. :nono:
Moving Forward....yes...that's exactly how it is...feels like i lost someone permanently...like a death.....although we were never physically connected since we split 12 years ago, the emotional connection was better than it ever was over these past few months with the emails and occasional phone calls. Yes...lost my appetite (getting it back slowly now that there has been no contact for a couple of days), couldn't listen to certain songs that had words depicting our love and couldn't wait to be alone when i could just cry or sulk when my hub was around........I'm determined to get over this.....trying to read the Dr. Phil Relationship Rescue book to see where things go...we're both, my hus, plan on reading this one chapter at a time. started last night. we'll see....

thank you for your words...made me feel much better....also makes me feel so much better that i never took the next step...the physical step.....not that i would but i think it's been in the back of both of our minds these past few months.


[QUOTE=Moving Forward]I thought I'd jump in here at this point and offer some advice as someone who has been there, done that. I can completely understand what you are going through. Several years ago I found myself married yet involved in a physical and emotional affair. It's next to impossible for someone to understand how both my lover and I were in love with our spouses yet developed a very intense, emotional bond with eachother. We ended it because it was wrong (obviously) but also because it got way out of hand. Neither of us had anticipated the strong emotional connection we felt. We tried to end it many times. We tried the; let's not see each other but just the odd phone call. It didn't work. We tried the; let's not talk to each other but just keep in touch by email. It didn't work. It took us over a year to finally get up the courage to cut all ties. By this time we hadn't been physical in over a year but the emotional connection was as strong as ever. So we cut it off completely. No contact. Not even on birthdays. Not even if you have the most exciting news in the world to tell me; not even if something is horribly wrong in your life. No contact, ever again. It was worse than death and to this day, every so often I get the itch to just email him to see how he's doing. But doing that would only start things back up . . . not physically (I would never do that again), but emotionally. We can't control how we feel about someone. We can only control how we choose to deal with those feelings. My situation is somewhat different than yours in the fact that I loved my husband and would never have wanted to leave him for this other man. My advice to you is that if you really want to see your marriage through . . . either to find out you have married the right man or to find out you have made a mistake, you can only do it by completely cutting all ties with your ex. Easy? Not for a minute. It was, and at times still is, difficult to say the least. I had gone through the loss as if it were a death. Not eating. Looking forward to those times when I was alone so I could just break down completely and sob, feel sad, feel the loss.

My second piece of advice is to really understand why you are feeling the way you are about your husband. Yes, the possibility is always there that you have fallen out of love. It happens. But also remember that marriages, just like friendships, go through highs and lows. You need to establish whether this is what is happening with you. I could write more but I will end it here. You have a heck of a ride ahead of you and understand that it will not be easy. I wish you luck.[/QUOTE]





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