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Hi Boxgirl,
I have a few other questions that I would like to ask you. Is your ex married?
Was this yours and his first love? Is this the first time you have talked since you got married? Are you happily married?
Like I mentioned on my previous post, I can completely understand why you want to see him. I have only loved 2 men in my life, my husband and my first love. My first love and I went out in high school, college and the first half of the year after I graduated. I broke up with him because I did not feel he was putting me first. (See my post on Sophia's thread - call from an ex) It broke my heart to break up with him, but I did it because I wanted to be #1 in his life. (I was ahead of him a year in college.) So maybe it was just immaturity on his part. I'll never know and that is what often makes me think "what if."
I have been married for almost 19 years, however it has been filled with alot of hurt and hardship over the years. My husband came from a dysfunctional family and was abused as a child. All that baggage was brought into our marriage and he was verbally abusive, yelling and shouting at me when he got angry for most of our married life. I finally got up the courage to go for help to our pastor and he provided us with a good counselor and my husband realized how much he had hurt me and changed. We have also had alot of financial problems (because of him) and other issues.
Anyway, because of all the hurt i have been through, I often think of my first love and wonder what would have been if I had not broken up with him that last time. (Several years after we broke up, I had received a call from an old fraternity brother of his that I had met several times. He had to do alot of investigation to even track me down, because I was living in a completely different town. My heart started racing as soon as I realized it was his friend because in the past my ex usually had a friend call me first to "test the waters" before contacting me directly himself. I was so afraid of getting hurt again that I quickly told him I was very happy and dating someone else.
We are both registered on a class web site and he did not post information about himself until I had. I have a very strong feeling that both of us have been secretly looking up info on the other. Even though I have a strong urge to e-mail him through that site, I have not because I know once I do it can open up a very dangerous situation. If I took that step, I would be crossing a line that could never be erased. I think my ex and myself could very easily wind up in a romantic situation again. I personally feel that if you truly were in love, you never forget your first love. ( I am sure it is compounded in my situation because I have had so much unhappiness in my marriage. My husband had been trying very hard to make up the hurt he caused, but it is going to talk time to heal the hurt and memories.)
My ex lives in another state half across the country, but I found out that he lives very close to where my mom and sister live. I fight the temptation to e-mail him on a regular basis.
Just be aware, that if you do meet him for lunch be very careful. Also remember that your husband if he finds out, will never be able to trust you in the same way again. So, my gut instinct tells me that you may not be very happy in your marriage. Am I correct?
Please let us know how everything goes. We are all very curious to find out.
You and I seem to have a lot in common.....it was like reading my feelings.....i'm not trying to hurt anyone....and nobody will find out.
email me if you can. i'll share more details but don't really feel like displaying anything else on this particular board from the responses i've gotten.

[QUOTE=BLUE EYED LADY]Hi Boxgirl,
I have a few other questions that I would like to ask you. Is your ex married?
Was this yours and his first love? Is this the first time you have talked since you got married? Are you happily married?
Like I mentioned on my previous post, I can completely understand why you want to see him. I have only loved 2 men in my life, my husband and my first love. My first love and I went out in high school, college and the first half of the year after I graduated. I broke up with him because I did not feel he was putting me first. (See my post on Sophia's thread - call from an ex) It broke my heart to break up with him, but I did it because I wanted to be #1 in his life. (I was ahead of him a year in college.) So maybe it was just immaturity on his part. I'll never know and that is what often makes me think "what if."
I have been married for almost 19 years, however it has been filled with alot of hurt and hardship over the years. My husband came from a dysfunctional family and was abused as a child. All that baggage was brought into our marriage and he was verbally abusive, yelling and shouting at me when he got angry for most of our married life. I finally got up the courage to go for help to our pastor and he provided us with a good counselor and my husband realized how much he had hurt me and changed. We have also had alot of financial problems (because of him) and other issues. Anyway, because of all the hurt i have been through, I often think of my first love and wonder what would have been if I had not broken up with him that last time. (Several years after we broke up, I had received a call from an old fraternity brother of his that I had met several times. He had to do alot of investigation to even track me down, because I was living in a completely different town. My heart started racing as soon as I realized it was his friend because in the past my ex usually had a friend call me first to "test the waters" before contacting me directly himself. I was so afraid of getting hurt again that I quickly told him I was very happy and dating someone else.
We are both registered on a class web site and he did not post information about himself until I had. I have a very strong feeling that both of us have been secretly looking up info on the other. Even though I have a strong urge to e-mail him through that site, I have not because I know once I do it can open up a very dangerous situation. If I took that step, I would be crossing a line that could never be erased. I think my ex and myself could very easily wind up in a romantic situation again. I personally feel that if you truly were in love, you never forget your first love. ( I am sure it is compounded in my situation because I have had so much unhappiness in my marriage. My husband had been trying very hard to make up the hurt he caused, but it is going to talk time to heal the hurt and memories.) My ex lives in another state half across the country, but I found out that he lives very close to where my mom and sister live. I fight the temptation to e-mail him on a regular basis.
Just be aware, that if you do meet him for lunch be very careful. Also remember that your husband if he finds out, will never be able to trust you in the same way again. So, my gut instinct tells me that you may not be very happy in your marriage. Am I correct?
Please let us know how everything goes. We are all very curious to find out.[/QUOTE]





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