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I hope im staying on topic here, but I just have to say it: Im insecure about my personality more than anything else. It really stinks sometimes because I feel like I can attract people to me, but I dont have alot of close contacts because Im afraid they will get to know me and think Im a negative person with little to offer. When I was younger, one of my best male friends said to me "when I met you I really wanted to date you, but after getting to know you, im glad we just have a friendship--you have ISSUES!" I knew this of course, and that was 10 years ago, so those "issues" are resolved and Im ten times more emotionally mature, but I still worry that im not "up to par" when I interact with people. As a result, alot of people think Im unfriendly. Im not, but sometimes when I am having a bad day, I just dont interact with anyone. I read once that christopher walkin used to say "people are fascinated with me until they meet me, then they dont like me". I kind of feel like that sometimes.

Anyway, I know that sometimes I am just too hard on myself, which perpetuates all that negativity, and I am happy to report that Im getting alot better about not bashing my own personality! :eek: I have a friend who I admire deeply. She is very overweight, and feels so bad about her appearance, but she is such an amazing person, and I really admire her. She has such a strong sense of herself and her beliefs and backs them up 200 percent. What you see with her is what you get and she is truly a solid, good person. I am still developing a sense of what I stand for and who I am and I dont know if I will ever grow to be half the person she is. She has tons of friends and isnt afraid to get close to anyone. She has nothing to hide. Man, she is amazing, and if anyone cant see it because she is heavy, they dont deserve her.

So yeah, there is this part of me that is like "woo hoo Im almost 30 with 2 kids and I still get hit on alot" but it means very little in the grand scheme of things. Now, if someone gets to know me and says "you know what, you are a really great person" that means sooo much more to me than "omg, you are really hot". I am getting to know myself, which is part of it, and Im starting to see what is good about me on the inside: Im an animal lover and I take wonderful care of my pets and love them very much. I love my kids and am a good mom. Im trying to be a better wife and am making great strides. Im a much better daughter and friend than I was when I was younger." I know this is long so bear with me--Im almost done. The thing is , a long time ago, I wasnt a good friend, I was a horrible daughter, and I did poorly in my relationships with men. The lines between right and wrong in my mind were blurred, and I was selfish. I am not any of those things anymore. I will take that over being good-looking and getting stared at any day of the week!

so yeah, woo hoo getting hit on is fun, but earning someone else's love and respect has nothing to do with how many men cat-call you.

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