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[COLOR=Navy]I'm 21 and this is my first relationship. We're together for almost 2 months and spend lots of tim together. We adore eachother and all that other good stuff.

However, about 2 weeks ago he brokeup with me. He mentioned that it felt as if something was missing and some other stuff that really didn't make sense. I was hurting BAD. He brokeup with me on Saturday night and then Monday morning guess what, he called saying he missed me. From then on we talked and by Wednesday we were back together. He actually told me that he brokeup with me because he got scared. Also said a friend of his helped him see the mistake of breaking up with me.

So during the past week and a half our relationship has been awesome. There is one thing though. I feel like sometimes I walk on eggshells around him because I'm scared that any little thing might trigger him breaking up with me. In other words, I'm insecure about his ability to stick it out with me and believe he is always more than ready to just breakup with me when he's upset or anything.

For example, today he got upset that I didn't return his call when I actually did but he just never got it. So he was being short with me. Part of me wants to say to him "well how about you call me and ask me if im feeling better since in the morning my throat was so bad i could barely talk!? Basically something along the lines of standing up for myself. I'm scared to say or do certain things for the fear that he'll just say something like "well you dont have to put up with me, bye."

I'm a pretty secure person, so this is bothering me. How can I resolve this? [/COLOR] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]undefined[/FONT]
Ha there. Allow me to be frank with you... relationships are a interesting and often complicated aspect of human life. Unfortunately we have grown up on the belief that one should find there 'ideal' partner and that relationships are all about 'give and take' or compromise. This is true to a certain extent, sure any kind of mutual compromise is healthy. It becomes unhealthy when one person is giving more than the other, often we find that this person is sacrificing more than the other. Your afraid of upsetting your boyfriend i.e you care for his feelings as well as being afraid of lonliness. I can tell you something: if you were not afraid of being single he would be the one afraid of saying the wrong thing to you.

The fact that your afraid to say the wrong thing around him means that there is underlining tension that must be sorted out before it takes deeper root. If your boyfriend truly wants to stay with you then he will talk to you with understanding and compassion for what you are feeling. Think about this: If you decide to not tell how you feel then you will continue in this relationship under a shadow of fear and dominance. Let him no how you feel, if your angry and feel like giving a poece of your mind...do it. This way you will test if he is man enough for you or if he is a wimp under a mans clothes.

True happiness is only found in yourself not in another person. Never become dependant on someone to fulfill your life or bring you happiness...it always leads to disaster.
I get what your saying. I guess after 21 years of being single I'm deathly afraid of it. I need to not be in order for this relationship to work and for me to standup for myself. I'm also looking to him for my happiness, which is obviously not a wise thing to do. Part of the reason why I'm so unhappy is because I'm not being true to myself and standing up for myself just to accomodate him.

When I made this post we were having a bad night because there was tension and so on. I'll see how things go tomorrow when I call him for the usual good morning conversation. If he's back to normal, I'm going to go about business as usual with these new thoughts in mind. However, if he's still short with me I plan on defending myself in a strong and "I'm not afraid to be single" kinda way.

How ironic is it that I was pretty good at being single (happy life, didn't feel lonely much) and now I'm scared to death of going back.
[COLOR=DarkOrchid]justcurios827 you really should take in and re-read again what fox hound 21 said. It is very true and good information. ;)

Ask yourself (since you said you are usually a secure person, which I'm not sure I totally believe) if this is any way to live life in a relationship that you have to walk on eggshells in? Are you 100% truly happy with this person? It doesn't sound like it. Being in a relationship because you are afraid to not have a boyfriend is not healthy. :nono:

Also, saying that you were single for the last 21 years of your life really isn't fair. If you think about it, you can't really count at least the first 12 years of your life, and really I'd say the first 14-15 years you should be single! At 16 start being interested in having "male friends" and then at 17 and 18 explore the possibilities of relationships and what they consist of. At your age, this is a perfect age to recognize that things are not right and move on.


To me it is a shame how they don't teach more about communication and healthy relationships in school. They spend so much time focusing on things in History that I hardly remember when I could have used information on relationships and healthy living.

:bouncing: [/COLOR]
I had the conversation with him today. He said that you should never be afraid of breaking up in a relationship, you should avoid it but not fear it. He also said that he didn't want me to walk on egg shells and that if I feel as if I have to do that something is seriously wrong. After hearing him say all this I realized just how mature he is about our relationship.

I had an amazing night with him. I was feeling pretty sick so he bought me some tea an honey and we rented a movie. He kept saying that he hated to see me this way and wished he could somehow move the cold from me to him.


Overall, the talk with him was great and how sweet he was with me being sick was even greater. Sometimes I over-analyze and this is what I did with him.





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