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I think Heartland is right here...Ben, you're seeing exactly what you want to see in her eyes, not what is really there. Situations like this are why I get frustrated with people who see moral issues in black and white and before this happened would have fallen all over themselves praising this girl for not sleeping around, as if having sex makes you a bad person. In fact it is having sex with someone else while deceiving and hurting your partner that makes someone a "bad" person, if you subscribe to that sort of simplistic morality.

Ben, I hate to say this, but she's sending out pretty clear signals that she wants to move on. I understand where you're coming from in thinking she should come back to you and not question her feelings, and I think you're being a great boyfriend, but love isn't always logical. While of course it seems like a no-brainer decision for her to give up on this guy for good and accept your offer of forgiveness, it's not that easy if her feelings for you have changed to the point where she would sleep with someone else and feel unsure if she wants to be with you or him.

To be candid and honest with you, I used to cheat on boyfriends when I was younger, mainly only after I knew that I wasn't interested in a future with whoever my BF was at the time. I would sleep with someone else but not be interested in sleeping (or being) with my BF the time it got to that point, there was no chance for me and my BF because emotionally I had already left the relationship. Sometimes I moved on to the guy I cheated with, sometimes not, but either way, I wouldn't have cheated if I still wanted to try and make the relationship work. I'm not trying to encourage this behavior; quite the contrary, but I do think it's important to take cheating as a warning sign that something is wrong in the relationship. It's not a good thing to do because it's never right to hurt people when you can possibly avoid it, but it's only in the last few years that I've matured enough to see the wisdom in ending one relationship before starting another. Your GF may not have made that much progress yet in straightening out her feelings and deciding what she wants to do, but I don't think things will go back to how they were, no matter how much you want them to. She has clearly changed in terms of her attitude toward your relationship, and her confusion about her feelings for this guy pretty much convinces me that she wants out. If she wasn't willing to sleep with you for so long but then jumped into bed with this other guy so easily, it suggests that her feelings for you are no longer strong enough to sustain a happy, committed relationship.

All of this is only my opinion, based on my own past experiences, actions, and motivations in similar situations. I also think you deserve someone you can trust 100% never to betray or hurt you, and cheating combined with uncertainty about if she wants to continue a relationship is not the kind of behavior anyone should experience at the hands of someone they love and want to marry. I don't believe that a relationship can ever be the same once both partners are aware that one or both has cheated. A few couples are able to rebuild and improve their bond after an affair, but for most cheating eventually destroys a relationship. Some people, like me in the past, even cheat to hasten the end of a relationship because they don't have the courage or certainty to formally break it off. I hope that everything works out well for you, but for what it's worth, I don't think that this girl deserves such a loving, understanding, and forgiving boyfriend.

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