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Relationship Health Message Board

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Thanx for all the added insight. I dont want to get married right now.What i was trying to get at was in my head i feel like if i want to get married ( way down the road) than i should stay b/c when i make my vows i want them to be forever not for right now, This is what keeps me with him some times b/c i feel like if we can get through this then i will know that when we make vows to one another (whenever that be) than when we say for better or for worst than i'll know that we can get through anything. If i didn't feel like this relationship was going in that direction and he ws just a boyfriend and someone i lve than i would never take this abuse, ever. But b/c i feel like our love is the kind that will be together forever than i want to fight this out. i feel like i owe it to the person he is deep down inside. there are days where i see his love. and that's what hurts the most. Everytime he says i love you i feel a bit of my heart fall out b/c i dont believe him. I hate feeling like that. When he used to talk to me it would lift me up, now i find myself thinking ' well if you do love me then why dont your actions show me anything?" This is where im struggling the most. He yells at me and calls me the B word but then one day i'll come home and he'll hug me and whisper how much he loves me and how lucky he is. Why does he say these things but it's so hard for him show me his love. Im very emotional right now i dont know if htis makes sense. R went to the club ( 3rd night in a row) He just leaves, and says he loves me before he goes. is it me b/c this pisses me off so much how can he say i love you and kiss our son when he's going to get drunk, he never spends any time with either of us. i dunno now im rambling. im gonna go to bed, In my anger i've locked the door on him, i'll probably let him in later although i dont feel i should.

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