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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi everyone,

I thought it was time for an update and to ask for your help again. It's been about a month since Patrick and I broke up for good, and I'm still having a pretty tough time dealing with it. I'm especially sad and frustrated because I'm still dealing with chronic pain and various medications which definitely put a huge strain on our relationship and exacerbated our other problems. It's a lot harder to pull myself out of this mourning period when I'm feeling pretty bad most of the time. I also can't help but feel like a failure because I couldn't make things work and because I was so stupid not to see this coming and thinking that he still wanted to be with me :confused:. When I keep busy and am distracted, I actually feel pretty good a lot of the time, but when I have some down time, I can't help thinking about how much I miss and still love Patrick. He loved me so much, and if I couldn't make it work with him, how is it ever going to work out with someone else? I'm trying hard to be positive and optimistic, but I'm really doubting myself, which is unfamiliar and very sad for me to try and cope with right now. On top of losing my car (though I did get a new one), losing my health, and losing my boyfriend, partner, and best friend all in one shot, someone stole my identity so now I have to go around cancelling all my accounts and filing reports which is definitely depressing. I know I still have a lot of things to be hopeful and thankful about, but I'm having a very tough time seeing the silver lining in all these clouds at this point.

The good stuff: I've been able to be pretty productive in terms of work and also sociable lately, which is definitely a welcome diversion and distraction from thinking about Patrick. It's helped immensely to spend time with family, friends, and especially to be dating again. I'm still really enjoying online dating and it's been going well since I first signed up. There are usually a few different guys I talk to and meet up with at any given time, which is a lot of fun and a big ego boost. It makes me feel a lot better to be around guys who think I'm beautiful and interesting, because I'm having trouble believing that sometimes recently. It's also fun to date and get to do cool activites and eat nice dinners out...I'm enjoying being single quite a bit, and I'm sure it will still be awhile before I have any interest in getting into a new relationship. I think the best thing to do is just be happy on my own, have fun with friends and family, and learn to be independently content and secure with myself again. Even though I still have a lot of sad times, there are also a lot of times, more and more lately, where I feel optimistic, excited, and confident about myself and my future. It's Patrick's loss anyway, in my view, but what's done is done and I'm not going to waste any more of my time dwelling on something that didn't work out. I really just want him to be happy and for me to get past the hurt and surprise of this and move on with my life as a single, independent woman. I haven't been single since high school, except for very short periods here and there, so I'm going to enjoy it now while I'm still young and not at all ready to jump back into a serious relationship.

Does anyone have any suggestions or tips for how to deal with and snap out of those really tough patches where my heart feelings like it's breaking and all I can do is cry? I hate feeling so awful over something I can't change, but I know I need to give myself time to mourn losing someone I love so much. What are some ways to vent my feelings in a beneficial way rather than just torturing myself by dwelling in the past? I read about journaling on the other thread which sounds like a great idea, but I'm not quite sure what I should be writing about. I'm pretty private and introverted, so I don't have a lot of expeerience putting my emotions into words, but I'll give it a shot. Any other advice you guys can offer would be extremely helpful and very much appreciated--thanks so much for all your help so far. :)

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