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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I do have to "somewhat" agree with you greeneyes, at least as far as the point that
living with my parents is an obvious problem, but it is just something we cannot
change at the moment.

As for the affair, or following her, that is also out of the question, at least not in person.
She has no drivers license yet, and pretty much the only time she goes anywhere, is with me.
So I don't see that as being an option. Other than the possibility of a "cyber relationship", I don't really
see this as being much of a concern.
And it's not the fact that she doesn't want the sex at all anymore, just that it seems to not be a priority to her at the moment,
and she has said that she does want us to have a better sexual relationship, but I am not the most romantic guy in the world
as far as how I go about things I guess, lol, so from what she says, I really don't "put her in the mood" to well.
And with all of these other things going on, it is sort of a "soar spot" to her for me to bring up, because she feels that is the only thing I am interested in.

The chat room thing is more a way of her socializing I guess is the best way to put it, since she really has no way to go out,
and only really has one girlfriend, and most of the chatting now is in a specific room where people with the same,
or similar disorders chat about their particular mental states and ease each others stress and anxieties ect.
(it is a anxiety/social disorder type chat room, for people who have many different types of social, and mental disorders to actually
have others to talk to that are in similar situations).
She has offered me to actually join in and meet some of them when she first started going there, which I declined, but obviously should have taken her up on.
I'm sure that would have been a better choice for me to have accepted. But now I am afraid to actually make that suggestion myself,
for fear that she will think it is only because I want to "keep tabs" on her.

As I have said before, I know that [U]it has absolutely nothing to do with her "using me as a free ticket to the US"[/U]
She never really even thought about coming here before, nor would it have made any sense for her to, when things there were so
much better for her. She had her own place, a decent job, she had the option of continuing her education at no cost, to further her career,
the economy is better there, all of her family and friends are there and so on. She would have had it way better staying there then coming here.
Actually, "we" may have even been better off if I had moved there instead, but with the circumstances I previously mentioned, we both agreed
it just made more sense for her to move here. She knew what she was up against when we made the decision to move here, so it was definitely
only for the fact of us being together that she moved here. Also, we still have yet to finalize her permanent residency, so if this was in fact the case,
why would she risk us breaking up and her being sent back to Denmark, and all of these last 3 years being spent totally in vane.

*lisa24
Yes we have talked about this, obviously not quite enough. That is where it seems to start getting a little sticky
(as far as all the "little" problems coming back to light as being why things are as they are).

You hit the nail on the head in your statement: "[U]She may be used to the way things are and not sure of how to respond initially[/U]"
I know this also has a small part in it as, she did almost word for word, state that same phrase.

I have tried to slowly bring back the "little things" that have changed, but as you said, and she said, I can't expect her to "all of a sudden"
just snap out of it, back to the way it was. I have been trying to do subtle things to bring back those little validations, like on my way over to the fridge,
sneak a little kiss and an "I Love You" in on her. And make sure I tell her I love her as often as I can, without becoming annoying, or overdoing it.
Making sure I pay absolute attention to her when she mentions something to me, or asks a question, or simply begins any type of conversation.

Since we had a big discussion about this a couple nights ago, it has gotten a "tiny" bit better. I think we are both a little more conscious of the others presence,
and feelings.

I suppose that maybe we may be somewhat on the right track, and just need to give it more time to become comfortable and natural again.

The thing is, I know we need to discuss it more, but at this point, I am afraid to mention it to much, to often and make her even more upset/depressed,
and possibly even push her further away from me.





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