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Actually reading this thread brought back some bad memories. I have been in two abusive relationships and have swore to myself it will never happen again. My first was when I was 18. I got married and on our wedding night he became a beast. I should have seen the clues, however, being young and believing in a Knight and shining armour my vision was very clouded. Before we got married he was controlling, but at that time I just thought he cared the world for me. He would always want to know where I was at. He would strongly suggest what I wear. He did not want me to talk to any other guys at all. These were things that happened before I married him. Needless to say I was only married for 4 months. He beat me so many times in those 4 short months I cant count them. He knocked my teeth all the way through my jaw, tried to stab me, and the last straw was when he tried to suffocate me with a pillow. I had him arrested and joined the Army. My next relationship was a little different, but not by much. I met him in the Army as he was also in service. He was fun to be around and was not a bit controlling. We dated for a year and he asked me to marry him. He liked to drink on weekends as most young service people do and I would drink with him. After we got married I got pregnant with our son. I got out of service and stayed home to take care of my son. He began to start drinking more often, but I didn't think much of it. When our son was 6 months old he had to go to another base for training for 3 1/2 months. The day he was coming home I got a call from a woman at the base where he had been telling me that he had lived with her for those months. He had lied to her, but she had looked in the dash of my car that he was driving and seen it was registered to me and tracked me down. I had no way of taking care of my son by myself and giving him any kind of life. My husband cried and said it was a mistake and it would never happen again. Yeah Right! I then got pregnant with my daughter (failed birth control). His drinking was up to about 4 times a week. I had my daughter and that is when the little comments started. I joined the reserves, but that wasn't enough to support my children. I was at that time 5'4" and weighed about 140lbs. I wore a size 9. He would call me a fat B--ch. I would find napkins with lipstick on them and I would be called a paranoid B--ch. He is black and I am white. He would say that me being white was ruining his life and that he had no friends because I was white. Hello!!! He knew that when he married me. Besides his friends (he couldn't keep one for about 6 months) would tell me it was his drinking that made them not like him anymore. He went to a party (without me) which was pretty often and got drunk and passed out on his friends and his wifes couch and pis-ed on it in his sleep, but it was because I was white that they didn't like him. LOL Then alot of wives must of knew he was very unfaithful and they simply didn't want their spouses around him. I couldn't blame em'. There are a million bad memories and as I'm typing they are racing through my mind. I prefer not to remember. His drinking became a 6 day a week issue and my life was he-l. My children were young, but I know they had to since the trouble no matter how hard I tried to protect them. I came up with a plan. I pretended everything was perfect even though he was a complete as-. I enrolled in college and told him it would make our lives easier. I went for two years and he tried everything to make me quit. I think deep down he knew I was going to leave once I graduated. I graduated and drove my 2 children from California to Virginia in mid- December. I never looked back. He called and even came to Virginia trying to get me to go back to him. I got a good job that provided well for my children. I had men to ask me out, but I was in control for the first time in my life and it felt good to say no most of the time. Some of them were probably good guys, but I just wanted to feel in control for once. I finally met a great guy. Once again I got married, and we have my 2 children his 3 children and a daughter together. He is not perfect as nobody is, but he loves me and he doesn't drink, go out partying, doesn't call me fat, etc... He is a little on the jealous side, but he is not controlling. He also knows I refuse to take any crap. If he were to be mean to me he knows I would give him the boot. I'm not afraid anymore. Life is to short to live in misery. Another thing if any of you are in a bi-racial marriage and the other person tells you that you'll never be able to date anyone from your race tell them there crazy. My ex use to tell me if I left him I would never find another man. He would say that because I was white it would be hard to find someone black to date and that by having to bi-racial children no white man would want me. Well he can kiss my A--. My husband now is white and is a better father to my children the my ex could ever be. My childrens father has not bothered to come and see them or for them to see him since 1999. My husband now has been with them since 1999 and considers them his and race isn't even an issue at our house. Oh! another thing after we divorced he admitted to 60 affairs. I'm lucky I didn't get a disease from him. Okay I think I got way off subject. Anyway stay away from anyone who drinks often, is controlling, beats you, and or puts you down. It's a dead end street. LMG

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