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Relationship Health Message Board


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boxgirl73,
I think it's great that you told your husband your true feelings about your marriage, and it sounds like you are making an honest effort to salvage your marriage, and I applaud you for that.

I know you're finding this out, but you must be careful in always letting yourself wonder if you've taken the right direction in life. I, like you was married at 25(I believe it's to young as well) and was married for 6 years, with her for 10. She fell out of love with me and ended up having an affair with our sons Cub Scout den leader. She's now been married to him for 3 years. My ex and I actually have a great relationship right now. We respect one another and we're very cordial. Recently, we've spoken about our failed marriage and what happened. Her affair was very out of character for her. She found herself questioning, like yourself, if she made the right choices in life. Like you, the romance was pretty rare and we just grew apart. We really didn't have much in common. She met a man who she thought was who she wanted me to be. She felt that she was always busy worrying about our kids and me, that she never spent time thinking of herself. So, when this other man came into the picture, she felt that she deserved to be selfish and she was blind to the fact that she was hurting a lot of people. That's why I applaud your effort to repair your marriage before doing anything hasty.
That being said... she's only been married to her "perfect mate" for 3 years and she's falling into the exact same problems that we were having. She totally regrets what she did to me and "will never forgive herself for not trying harder to salvage our marriage". See, what i'm getting at here is that she always felt that there was much more to life than what she was living. The reality is... there isn't. This is life. It's pretty ordinary. It can be boring, even grueling at times, but if you think that Mr. Beverly Hills is the gateway to an extremely fulfilling, romantic, undying lust for life; i'm afraid you're mistaken. If you find yourself always wondering, fantasizing, wishing for something better, the best part of your life may pass you by without finding what you believe exists out there, and you may spend the end of your life full of regrets. Just try to remember why you married your husband, i'm sure he still holds many of the qualities that he did when you fell in love with him. It never hurts to try improving aspects of your marriage, but please don't fall victim to "fantasy".
I'm just sharing my personal experience and some of my beliefs with you. Treat this as you may.
I wish you and your husband the best of luck and hope you truly do find what it is you're looking for.
Hi Blue......

Well...i'm not great.....i'm reading Dr. Phil's book and really enjoy it.....liked one passage that i read last night....discussed 10 bad characteristics/personalites in a relationship...one which was the bottomless pit......seemed to fit me. I seem to always want more and am not satisfied with how things are...although they may be too comfortable (another characteristic that isn't good because you tend to not strive for anything more...although I think over the past couple of months, i've realized that i do want more and that's why i'm trying to get it out of my marriage rather than leaving it to find it elsewhere). however, this one thought seems to keep coming thru my head...despite me wanting it to go away....i feel my husband and i may have run our course. this book that i'm reading is just telling me how to accept the good and take the bad.....but i want passion..no where in the book, so far (i'm about half way thru now) does it say how to get the passion back. i know that you have mentioned "dates." i'm all for that and i have brought this up to my husband and we never seem to do it.....we seem to just get in that routine after work...doesn't help that he doesn't get home until 8pm and i'm home since 6pm. weekends are the only times for dates and i'm really going to try to get us in that routine and out of our old one that is sitting on the couch watching movies...how boring and passionless....however, i just have this gut feeling that i won't get this spark back (know i'm being negative but i may be realistic as well....we've been "friends" for so long it may be hard to get back to "husband and wife.")

I'm not leaving him or giving up, it's just a thought that is in the back of my head and i have to keep looking at since it's my intuition. i will be trying to spark things up...really i will and i truly hope it works. we're going out with my sister, her fiancee and my brother and his girlfriend (all from out of town) this Saturday night so we'll be taking them to a trendy spot to eat which will be nice for George and me.....we'll see how that goes....maybe i need a drink and loosen up (don't drink at all)....

i'll keep you posted and thanks so much for checking in...wish we had each other's emails, huh!

:wave:





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