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Relationship Health Message Board

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ok.....yes...I'm the one who posted another thread regarding a lunch with an ex...and yes, i'm married, and yes, i'm the one who did not tell my husband about this lunch, and yes, i feel like and have felt like i'm falling out of love with my husband for about a year now (married for 5-together for 11), and yes....most importantly, i'm trying to work on my marriage and rekindling that spark that i once had for my husband.

anyone else out there that's shared this experience? if so, how long were you married, what happened and what helped? what was the long-term outcome? i want to stay married to my husband..he is my best friend...he's just become lazy on thing such as romance..very important to me and something that is very important to a marriage or a long-term relationship...can't keep a fire burning without some help...

i've discussed this with my husband -not the lunch with my ex-(see post "Is this Wrong of Me?") but the fact that i may be falling out of love with him..of course that was the last thing i ever expected telling him (nobody ever wants to say that to their husband or wife and their best friend). but, he had to know...i was at a breaking point a couple of months ago-realizing the truth behind my feelings.....things weren't the way i expected and didn't want this marriage to continue like this. in the meantime, i was in contact with my ex....he has feeligns for me still and i discovered i had feelings for him...we rehashed memories and discovered that we both have what we're looking for in a relationship now that we're in our early 30's (it's amazing how you change from when you're 25 to when you're 30-would never get married at 25 again.....too young in my book). it was tough to realize that i had these feelings for someone that i left (my feelings towards my ex seemed to remind me of how i was feeling towards my husband-a loss of something). i hoped i didn't marry the wrong guy and hoped that i didn't pass up something good in my ex 10 years was the classic What If? syndrome and i worry that i could be doing that with my husband now....passing somehting good up and worry that i'll look back and see this same pattern.

SO...with the help a few good people here on the board-Blue Eyed and Heartland, I came to the realization that I need to figure out what i want.....but to do this, i needed to step away from my ex completely...i knew this part all along, it was just tough to accept. so...after the forbidden lunch, we had one more email and that was it...haven't talked to him for days. i'm getting over him slowly and tyring to focus on myself and my husband. I purchased a book by Dr. Phil called Relationship wonderful user reviews from *********** and did my research...thought this was the book for my husband and I to read...Blue eyed will be reading along with me so we can discuss. There is also another book called the Truth about Love...a book that reflects the different stages that love goes thru..t.he highs and lows..all normal in a relationship. Blue eyed also gave me advice on dating my husband....he needs to plan more...he's veyr easy going-almost to a fault-i want him to take charge more of doing romantic things for me (for US) so taht i can regain the sparks for him.

Anyway.....i'd value any personal experiences (particulary from married couples) on how you keep your love alive!

Thanks for reading.

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