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I am extremly offended and hurt when my girlfriend gets hurt over my past. We have been together for just under a year. I am 23 years and she is 21.

At the age of 23 she was my FIRST ever relationship. I basically have been a loner my entire life and when it comes to females I almost don't even have a past. I alomst never got to go to any highschool parties. I hardly ever went on any dates. I was rejected more than anything. My first kiss was when I was 18 years old. Before her I had three differant short kissing situations all during the summer of me being 18. I was a virgin before her. I had one serious crush from the age of 15 to 17 that started 8 years ago and ended 6 years ago.

It offends me because how much more pure can she really request other than hanging out at an all boys chatolic church? The little things that I have done it feels like she holds over my head. It is like she is treating me like I have some dirty tainted past. LIke today my early teenage crush got brought up and she is all bent up out shape and we have been argueing all day because of it.

I also don't understand how she can be so sensitive and touchy when looking at it from my perspective. She had two serious boyfriends. One for 6 months and another for a year and a half. The second she was planning to marry. I think she loved both of them. I am also not her "only" as her real first was the one with her second boyfriend. She was a popular girl and did get to go to parties and date.

I am supposed to feel sorry for her because of my past? Is she really just insecure about her past? Does she do this to bring me down to her level? I really don't understand.
Honestly, she is just being really silly. (And, all boys at a catholic school probably are alot wilder than you were, lol!)
Serioulsy, she has no reason at all to be jealous. My husband had gf's even a fiancee, and I don't care, he married me. He comes home to me. And same with you, I know ya'll aren't married, but she's your gf, not this crush. She may be insecure over her past relationships, but really, she is just making a horrible double standard.
Have you told her how bad she is makign you feel?
Yeah, I have told her that upsets me. It upsets me for three reasons. I basically was a social loser when it came to females and I don't like her making me feel worse for it. She has a past and I feel she has no ground to feel this way and finally it feels like she is not happy with me.

How many very attractive long haired rock star looking 23 year old virgin are their? I mean given the sitauation she really got best of both worlds. I caught on very fast and became an excellent lover and she got alot of innocence. If she were to leave me it would almost be impossiable for her to not end of with someone with more experience.

Even more frustrating is when it is her problem in this relationship it can take a day of us apart for things to get better. When it is my problem it seems like it is expected for me to fix it in an hour on my own. Nothing I can say can ever make her feel better. I try to say the right things and she only turns them into the wrong things. ....ugggghhhh
Sounds like she might just be a little insecure...I used to be like that with my ex (my first love). I had these high hopes of meeting someone that I could share my life and love with, him and only him, forever and ever bla bla bla, and when I heard that he'd had chicks before me it made our thing seem less real. I kept wondering if they were hotter than me, etc. (I was really young.) I just didn't want to think of him with someone else, at all. She should get better when she gets a little older and more experienced in life. Now if she's in her late 20's and still doing that, there may be other issues.
[QUOTE=dt_martini]
I am supposed to feel sorry for her because of my past? Is she really just insecure about her past? Does she do this to bring me down to her level? I really don't understand.[/QUOTE]

You should most definitely not feel sorry for this girl. She has NO reason or right to say anything to you or to bring your past up, much less make you feel bad about it. I have been through all that, it will destroy you and your relationship if she keeps it up. Tell her to go bother someone else.
[QUOTE=dt_martini]Yeah, I have told her that upsets me. It upsets me for three reasons. I basically was a social loser when it came to females and I don't like her making me feel worse for it. She has a past and I feel she has no ground to feel this way and finally it feels like she is not happy with me.

How many very attractive long haired rock star looking 23 year old virgin are their? I mean given the sitauation she really got best of both worlds. I caught on very fast and became an excellent lover and she got alot of innocence. If she were to leave me it would almost be impossiable for her to not end of with someone with more experience.

Even more frustrating is when it is her problem in this relationship it can take a day of us apart for things to get better. When it is my problem it seems like it is expected for me to fix it in an hour on my own. Nothing I can say can ever make her feel better. I try to say the right things and she only turns them into the wrong things. ....ugggghhhh[/QUOTE]Most people don't change and what you see is what you get. If you are trying your best to intellectually work out solutions to your problems with her and she won't be compromisable, I suggest dating others alongside her, and let her know you want to do this. It's a sad but realistic fact that many young girls will not change or listen to you unless they are challenged or threatened with being replaced. Then their ears pop and they start taking you more seriously. But if you have to constantly go this route to have her take you seriously, it doesn't sound like she is the right person for you. Plenty of fish in the sea. No sense getting all bent out of shape for just one of them.
Dt-

I had the exact same problem in my relationship and it got to the point where I felt like I was loosing my mind. (the differences being that I didn't get my first kiss until 20...and he was my first boyfriend.) He had two girlfriends before me, yet he would periodically bring up my past, as if I had all this stuff to hide. After it seemed like the 200th same conversation on the subject, I explained that I thought I was a GREAT person, and if he disagreed I wasn't interested in spending time with someone who thought so- and I accepted no less than an agreement that we would have that conversation no more. After that, if the issue started to come up, I would say "I'm not talking about this because we already agreed that we're moving on from that, but if you need time alone I would be happy to see you later when you're less inclined to act unfairly to me, as I don't regret my past and can't be convinced that I'm less of a person for having one." If he kept going I would firmly (without showing emotion or anger) let him have his space until he called me up later. Whatever you do- don't back down about your position- entertaining her jealous notions will just make it worse, and if she insists upon breaking up because of your refusal to discuss it- then it was a long time coming. Alot of people would argue that you should break up without giving her another second- but if you want to give it another try I would encourage you to be firm about not talking about it-(and NOT getting worked up about it emotionally, but just being without emotion when you tell her you'll see her when she's in a better mood.)



Good Luck- your situation I know is extremely frustrating
my boyfriend is the same way though he as calmed down a lot since the start of our relationship. He use to bring up and x of mine. He only does that when we are having a bit of an argument now. And I have just told him I will not talk to him until he changes the subject. And really that has seemed to help. Once he knows Im gonna shut my mouth and not go along with him about talking about the past he gets the picture. Maybe give that a shot.
She is definetly very insecure. My fiance, who is older than me, has had only two girlfriends in his past, while I have had upwards of maybe ten boyfriends. And I still get kind of weird and jealous when I think of his past. My fiance said something to me once though that was very sweet - if he had met me before them, then he would never have looked twice at them. Maybe try saying something like that to your girlfriend (whether it is true or not, har).
[QUOTE=cinting]You should most definitely not feel sorry for this girl. She has NO reason or right to say anything to you or to bring your past up, much less make you feel bad about it. I have been through all that, it will destroy you and your relationship if she keeps it up. Tell her to go bother someone else.[/QUOTE]
Geez, y'all are being kinda hard on that poor girl. I think with enough reaffirmation and care she'll get over it.
.............
[QUOTE=Blue102]Geez, y'all are being kinda hard on that poor girl. I think with enough reaffirmation and care she'll get over it.[/QUOTE]

If you have ever been through anything like this, where someone judges you harshly and makes you feel less than they are and treats you less than what you deserve to be treated, it is NOT easy to get over. I went through it for quite a while, and when you talk to other people about it, it's called emotional abuse, and that's bad. You can scar people for life by doing things like that, the past is the past, don't hold it against someone. I tried to reaffirm and be totally caring and understanding, but over time I realized that doesn't work unless both partners do the same.
..........
She's probably more insecure about her own past and how that will impact your relationship...but for her it's easier (and much more immature) to pick on your past so that hers will stay under the radar.
In a case like this (if one person has given NO reason for the other to be jealous) it's either one of two things...

Either she is bothered by HER past

or

She is doing something outside the relationship and chooses to project her behavior onto you. ("i.e. if I'M doing it, maybe YOU are doing it too")





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