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Hey everyone,

I am new to these boards, but I would really like to see if anyone out there has some advice on my situation. I welcome all thoughts, comments, suggestions, and opinions.

So here is my story...

I met M over 3 months ago. We started dating. He told me on the first date that he wasn't going to be my boyfriend if that's what I was looking for, but he could definitley be someone whose company I could enjoy and have lots of fun with. I was definitely OK with that because I wasn't really sure if I wanted a seroius relationship anytime soon either because I am super busy right now and just ended a long relationship not too soon before meeting M.

So, we began to date and spend a significant amount of time together. He pursued me like crazy in the beginning. I never called him first, he always called and set up all of our dates. He called everyother day or so and we would see one another 2-3 times a week. He is super busy with his career right now (he is a musician and we live in LA so he has gigs in Hollywood all the time, etc) I had so much fun going to his shows with him. He was so sweet to me and wrote and recorded songs for me. I know he didn't want to be in a relationship, but his ACTIONS were saying something different. I started to like him more and more and was starting to think I could potentially want something more with him in the future but was in no rush to make things serious. I was just letting things happen and was careful to never question him about "where things are going" or anything like that because I knew that despite how much he liked me he would just run for the hills.

But, a couple of weeks ago after we had a nice date together I woke up and he was being a bit more sarcastic with me than normal (we usually joke around alot with one another). It made me feel like I was being used kinda, so I called him on it and told him that he wasn't being as nice to me as he usually is...why is that? He thought about it for a while and said that he didn't realize he was being different and if he was that it was probably just because he is so comfortable with me now and doesn't feel the need to impress me all the time anymore. I told him that if that was the reason that was fine but I don't want to feel used, etc.. Then the conversatoin went off on a huge tangent and got way too serious and out of control. This was my problem because I couldn't articulate what I was thinking or feeling and was basically fishing for compliments but it turned into him feeling like I was cornering him into somesort of commitment right then or pressuring him to be my boyfriend (which wasn't what I was attempting to do but it definitely seemed like that). He told me that he didn't want to be anyone's boyfriend right now because he feels that he has to focus on his career too much and that he told me that from the beginning and that he is in a wierd head space right now, blah, blah, blah. He said that usually when these types of conversations start he runs in the other direction because he doesn't want to hurt anyone...

Well, I tried to tell him that the conversation was not suppose to go this way and that the bottom line was that I noticed a change in his behaviour and that if it's because he is comfortable with me that's fine, but if it's cause he is disrespecting me that's not fine. I told him that I didn't want a boyfriend, etc. (but, I think that he had already shut off from the conversation before I said all fot his) He told me that he would call me when he got back into town (he went to NO for a few days to play for jazz fest). Well, he got back on sunday May 1st and I haven't heard from him since.

So...my question is it common for men to break things off by simply not ever calling again? I know that he liked me ALOT because of the way he acted wtih me. He would lie next to me in bed for hours and give me butterfly kisses or play with my hair, etc... I can understand why he got freaked out because I don't think he wants to feel pressure. Even though we never had an "exclusivity" discussion I know that the reason he would not commit was not because he was dating other women as well.

SO...should I just let it go? Do you think he may just be processing things and will call soon? I would hate for things to end between us over a misunderstanding. I really liked him and enjoyed his company and I don't want anything super serious right now so I don't see why there is any reason that we can't still be in one another's lives and enjoy the company.

How do I salvage this? Can I do anything or is the ball just totally in his court right now? Any guy insight into his mind or thought process from any of the men out there? Women...has anything similar happened to you before where your loving, caring men just POOFED???

I hope to hear from you all soon. Thanks for the advice to come!





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