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Hi hrf1220!
Doing what you did is the best thing you could ever have done. You made the right decision through and through. You should be very happy that you got out of this situation and dealt with it the way you did. Most women are not as fortunate as you are. To answer your question. People can change from a traumatic experience and they can go to therapy and other things, but they never really change for good. Most of the time it is just temporarily.
I am sure that he is a very nice guy, charming and successful in attracting women. Abusive behavior is part of the persons personality, it never goes away, people can learn to deal with it, but the "dark side" will always be there lingering and when ever in the future that person gets into a hard or frustrating situation, it will come out again, it is just a matter of time. You should under no circumstances take him back. Because people tha have abusive behavior will use that against you in the future, he knows that he will be able to be abusive again, because you will take him back. And even if he might not physically abuse you, because he might be able to control himself, certainly it may take other forms as well, like mental abuse which is just as bad. It would be so very easy for you to fall into the "trap" again because you DO have feelings for him and that you love him. Unfortunatly we do not always love someone that is good for you or that loves you BACK just as much as you do. When you love someone, you are not abusive towards that person, which in fact proves that he does not love you the same way you love him, so you are better off without him no matter what. You deserve to be in love with someone that loves you back and that will respect you and not hurt you.

I have seen this type of abuse first hand. My brother in law is one of those men. He was married 10 years ago and was constantly abusive for many years towards his wife, both mentally and physically but all of a sudden he could be the most loving husband as well, for these men it comes out randomly and unpredictable. He went to theraphy for over a year and even joined a church and got extremely devout and it worked for a couple of months and then he went back to his normal self. One day she finally got fed up and got a divorce. Then me and my wife had to sit an listen to him complain and wanted us to feel sorry for him, for many years and he was so regretful and was saying things like "I would never be like that again I have promised myself" "I know that what I did, was wrong" etc blablabla.

Now a year ago he met his girlfriend and he was happier than ever. After about 6 months me and my wife started getting phonecalls from his girlfriend with my brother in law screaming bad words in the background, her crying. Them fighting. More and more often on a weekly basis. When we go to dinner he treats her really bad, mentally abuse her, makes fun of her. And then all of a sudden he can be loving and romantic with her in public as well. Me and my wife really never know what he will do. Now she has gotten cancer and goes thru radiation and chemo therapy and we thought..oh now is the time for him to be supportive and change his way and be there for his gf. Nope...just a week ago my brother in law "snapped" in public, in a resturant when she asked him to go and get her some sugar for her coffee and he slapped her in the face in front of everyone and her wig fell off in front of all the people in the resturant. (she has lost all her hair due to the treatments). And you would have thought that a person that claims that he loves her beyond everything else in his life would atleast take some pity and control his temper towards his sick girlfriend. NOPE. It simply does not work that way. A person with abusive behavior does not care or feel any pity when they lash out. Wether you are pregnant or have cancer or even dying. They simply can not control themselves. Maybe now you can see atleast just a little bit of what abusive men can do and what could be in store for a woman that lets a man get away with this.





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