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[QUOTE=Luigi Vercotti]Hello guys, it's been 4 weeks we split up. I feel little bit better, I don't feel the pain in my chest anymore, so that is little bit relieve. I can not still sleep, I usually sleep about 4 hours a day and I wish I could sleep more because I feel so weak.

Guys, what I am thinking all the time that when she was unhappy with our relationship why she did not tell me that, she told me that she had that feeling and she was fighting with it, but she never show me any sign that she was unhappy, I can not understant it, people are together because they love each other and they are here for each other. People go through problem together and I think that makes relationship stronger and helthier.
When she loved me and she had the feelings and doubts, why she didn't tell me that. Because we could try new things, I don't know why she just let it go, why she let our love go away, I never hurt her any way and I never would I was and I think I still am and I want a chance I don't know how to get let her go. I don't how I can live my life with feeling that someone is going to leave me like that.
Why people do that? One they tell you "I love you" and next day "I want to split up, because I don't love you" that I hear all the time, it is like a nightmare and it is in my haed.
I still have ask myself why, why, why...
When I see her sometimes, I've got feelings that she is kind of relieved and it hurts a lot.[/QUOTE]

Luigi,

I'm sorry to hear you're still having such a rough time, though it sounds like you are making good progress, so congratulations on that. My ex, who I lived with for three years and planned to spend my life loving, left me a few months ago, and therefore I can completely understand how you are feeling. The problem is, the questions that keep running through your head are not getting you anywhere and are only torturing you and preventing you from moving on. Sometimes we just have to accept that there are things that will never make sense, questions we will never have answered, and people who hurt us for seemingly no reason. I really had to fight my natural desire to think about my ex nonstop and obsess about every little thing that could have possibly gone wrong after he left, but I did manage to force myself to move on and stop thinking about the past. I am happy and dating again now, but the only reasons I was able to come so far and move on so successfully was because I forced myself to and because I relied on the wise advice of my friends here who have gone through similar heartbreaks.

You really need to stop dwelling on the past, stop driving yourself crazy and making yourself sad by wondering what went wrong, and just accept that you tried your very best to love your fiancee as much as you could, but that in the end, nothing you did was enough to make her want to be with you. That can be very difficult to accept, even impossible for some people, but you don't want to be one of those people who spends the rest of their life obsessing over a breakup and pining away for someone who left them, do you? People tend to think that healing, particularly after a heartbreak you didn't see coming, is a natural process that will happen in time no matter what. But in my experience, it is not a passive process--if you want to move on with your life and find love and happiness again, you need to take action and force yourself to focus on your future rather than the past. Thinking about your relationship and why your ex left will get you nowhere, only doom you to continue feeling miserable and confused. You can't control how she felt or what she does--the only thing you have power over is how you choose to react to her decision. Please remember that everyone goes through terrible pain and heartbreaks in their lives, and that you have a choice as to how you want to handle this sad setback. It will take time to get over the hurt of her leaving, but it will happen a lot faster and save you a lot of misery if you start trying your hardest to move on and embrace the future with optimism and enthusiasm. You have to stop thinking about her constantly and asking yourself questions that you will never be able to answer--besides, even if you did understand every single aspect of the breakup, it wouldn't make one shred of difference. You loved her as best you could, but your fiancee just did not want to be with you, despite your valiant efforts to make her feel special and cherished. That means she wasn't the right person for you, and chances are, nothing you could have done would have made her stay with you.

Until you are able to accept her decision, realize that the relationship is over, and understand that thinking about it constantly is only preventing you from being happy and moving forward, things will not get better on their own. You HAVE to take action, as hard as it is, and put the energy and effort you are spending obsessing about your ex into yourself--use all that emotion to move on and embrace your future. When you feel ready, start dating again--this really helped me to feel desirable again and stop feeling like my ex was the only guy who could ever love me and make me happy. I felt desirable and confident again, and now I have just met another amazing man who has excellent potential...but none of that would have happened if I had not forced myself to stop thinking about the past and instead focus all my attention on building a happy, fulfilling future for myself. Don't let this breakup destroy you and leave you forever mourning over someone who has moved on...your only choice is to follow her lead and move on yourself. It is the harder, more difficult choice when compared to indulging your desire to think about the relationship and not make any progress toward getting on with your life, but in the end, it is totally worth it.

If I had not sought advice of the wonderful posters here and made a concerted effort to put all my energy into my future, I would still be sitting alone in my apartment obsessing and crying constantly about my ex leaving. Do you want that to happen to you in a few months or even longer, or do you want to be having a great time with other girls and possibly meeting one who will love you much better than your ex ever did? You have the power to choose to focus on yourself, to put the past behind you, where it belongs, and to accept that while everyone goes through difficult and painful breakups, you are going to be one of the strong, lucky ones who does not let that heartbreak overshadow and negatively impact your future. Please try to be strong, keep busy, and stop yourself whenever you start indulging in thoughts of your ex...wear a band on your wrist if you have to, and snap it whenever you think of her in order to train your mind to no longer obsess about the past. You can't change it, but you do have control over how satisfying and enjoyable your future will be...and I know for a fact that the more you think about your ex, the less content you will be from now on. For your own sake, you really need to accept the breakup as part of the past and move on with your life now as best you can. It will get easier in time, but you need to make an effort to make your life better, or else you run the risk of never moving on and finding happiness and love again.





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