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Hey,
This is my first post and I hope its in the right place, I dont even think this problem counts enough to ask for advice, either way, since I am asking for an honest opinion, if you want to call me an idiot or pathetic, after you have read this.. go for it, Ill take no offence. I say I dont think this counts is because its somewhat of an "internet" thing. For quite a few years now, atleast 5, Ive been talking to pretty much my best friend, I cant help but to say Iam madly in love with her. Though when we first started talking it was more or less just friends having a way to stay in touch. From the first moment she admitted she loved me, I have not been in nor committed myself to anyone... though she, up til recently has been in realtionships, sexually active relationships... seven of them and as serious as some of them had become, she still talked to me and literally said that I was the one she wanted to be with, loved, etc. She always confided in me as well, with relationship problems, as much as it hurt or insulted me to hear, I never gave poor advice, I gave the best advice that I could in hopes it would get better and that she could say she was happy. I never really understood what was going through her mind to come home (from being intimate & saying she loved whoever she was dating to talking to me & saying she loves me, just couldnt exist without me, etc). Over time, I have given up alot as I look back now, recently a girl I was supposed to be introduced to (which I never met) the guy who took my place that night, got married just last week... that was a year ago or so when I wouldve met her... but feeling committed, I said I couldnt go that night. I did have one rather good date two years ago almost & when I had mentioned it, my friend got extremely upset, like I had done the worst thing to her (just hours before she was leaving for another sex date with her boyfriend at the time) and even when I had gotten my hands on a ticket to go actually move to be with her, she told me I couldnt, she was still with her last ex at the time, even though the night before I was to leave and the nights leading up to me leaving it was "I cant wait to be with you". Over the years, I guess being second for so long has really ruined my self respect, confidence... she doesnt even seem to care or notice. Though when things are getting bad in her past relationships, she acts like everything we had ever said had never been said, the thought of being dumped were basically the endtimes for her... I hate to say it, over the years, her relationships have amounted to nothing less then her being another notch in some guys bed post. Though we are now suppoesed to be getting together for the summer, she almost insults me, saying things as if we dont know each other, like "absolutely no sex, if we kiss its going to be nothing more then one on the cheek or something, no touching" (which annoys me, she should know me better... and these words suprise me since each of her relationships she was sexually active the first time [even before actually dating the guy... the first meeting]with the guy) Shes miscarried, been asked by some of her ex's to leave with him, even given promise rings, etc. which she has accepted, planning her life with whomever shes dating at the time, while she gets angry or even hurt if I even start to mention another girls name... Sometimes I feel I almost hate her or have no more desire for her, I dont know why I fell in this situation, I just think of all the years being alone, passing on good things even things that I have dreamt of having someday and I dont know how to describe the ways I really feel right now. I know this situation is my fault, Im just looking to see what help or advice Id receive... I mentioned now she is single and I guess I was always her back-up, but even said, shes a beautiful girl, many people are interested in her whether just for sexual reasons or to start a new relationship, the short time she is single she always says "I dont care what happens, Im not dating, Im waiting for you" though she slept with another ex just a couple weeks ago after her last break up, the same night she said those words again "Im waiting...." But what I hate is that, she'll start a new relationship again, soon like always, ...it doesnt even seem like what happens to me matters.





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