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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

First off, let me say Im so sorry you feel so bad right now. You sound really hurt and you sound as if your self-esteem is pretty low. I personally have seen this, and (Im ashamed to admit) have been kind of in the position your friend is in with you. I get along well with guys, and especially in high school, had male friends. I usually had a boyfriend too. The guy friend usually wanted to date me, and in fear of losing his friendship, I would feign some level of interest, rationalizing that they were great guys and maybe I would "come around" to wanting to date them. These male friends were always wonderful people, and my boyfriends werent.

I never ended up in a relationship with a male best friend. Im sure they thought someday I would, but that line was never crossed. I had self-esteem issues-I dated jerks, and maybe deep down i didnt think I deserved a great guy. Your friend sounds like she has some of those issues, based on the way she carries out her relationships. I also think she is being extremely selfish and unfair to you. You should be dating and finding a girl that CAN be with you-they do exist!

I dont understand why she can be dating constantly and expects you to sit around and stay single for her. It doesnt reflect well on her character. I think at this point you are living in a bit of a fantasy world in which someday your friend comes around and says "I am in love with you and Im here to be with you now". I think if you felt better about yourself, you would be able to move on from this, but right now you sound kind of unsure...

In short, I think she is using you for the emotional support she isnt receiving from her boyfriends. It is unfair to you and as long as you allow it, she will continue to use you in this manner. I think the relationship with her will most likely never progress to anything more. This relationship will do nothing but wear away at your self-esteem and prevent you from finding someone who wants to be with you. I hope in time you will be able to create boundaries with this girl (if you cant just cut it off entirely) and move on with your life. You said that she doesnt even seem to care about what she is doing to you--that should be enough to tell you where she stands. Im not trying to be harsh, I just think this relationship has become a barrier for you, and you deserve to be happy!


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