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Relationship Health Message Board

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So good to hear from you Unicorn...

Yes, I remember you well from my past threads, and I sincerely hope you've been keeping well through the tough times. You're advice is solid, and I think, even before I read it, that this 'reason' had already taken hold in the back of my head, I just need to bring it to the fore a little more.

As you've said, its so easy to just *not* let go, and even easier not to admit it to yourself that your holding on. I've surprised myself at how well I've done with some aspects of the breakup, but there's been times lately when I've seriously reassessed what I'm *really* feeling at this point in time. Coming into contact with him once more has done me a world of good, but a world of harm at the same time. I've managed to smooth over the prior aggression and tension we had with eachother...striving towards no more grudges. This is a good thing, I think. But at the same time, it means that I'm in contact with him and the old feelings may be resurfacing for both of us...but are just causing confusion.

He is a fantastic guy...we always used to promise eachother that no matter what happened in our lives, that we'd still be by eachothers sides and in eachothers lives as close friends for the rest of our days. We compliment eachother beautifully as companions. I think if I cut off contact all together, i'll be forever wondering whether or not I've let a great companion slip through my fingers...because I already know in my heart that he won't ever be 'replaced'. I think, also, I'm beginning to accept that we aren't ever going to rekindle what we had. And i'm slowly seeing the advantage of that. I can't let myself forget the pivotal reasons why we broke up in the first place.

To Ruth...I see the sense in staying away to preserve my own feelings and not hindering the healing process by seeing him. But as for your mention of his new gf...this was a woman I counted as a very close friend, confidante and mentor for a lot of reasons, and she abused my trust completely by using the problems I confided to her and turning them into a convincing case that he should really be with *her* and was better off without me, all the time telling me 'don't go near him any more, its better that you stay away', paving the way for her to move in on him after all those *years* of trying to sabotage what we had, and constantly degrading me behind my back. And the worst part? I was made to feel *guilty*, like perhaps she deserved him cos she'd been after him for so long. But we were in love with eachother and I never should have been made to feel bad about that. I see that now. I think, considering the circumstances, I shouldn't even let her become a consideration in my choice of whether or not to preserve a friendship with Chris. She's made her bed, and she has to deal with the consequences of it. I don't owe her anything anymore, not after how she abused my friendship without a second thought. I haven't had even the smallest semblance of an apology either. I feel so....used!!

Anyway, i'm off now. Unicorn, I thought I'd also say that I've been honest and forthcoming with the man I was sleeping with, and basically told him I wasn't ready for a relationship and therefore would not sleep with him until I knew what I wanted. So your logic works for me! I don't think I'll be having sex again until I find someone particularly special...if ever. Good luck to both of us!! HOping to hear from you soon...


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