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Hi,
I'm new here and I really didn't know where else to turn. I don't even know where to begin so I will try to give some background first.

I met my BF about 15 months ago. It was the typical "whirlwind" romance - we both came from failed marriages and we instantly clicked. He was the kindest most romantic guy and he even spoke of marriage (someday). I moved in with him and his two teenage boys (who he has full custody of) 7 months into the relationship.

One month before, he was in a work-related auto accident. Two knee surgeries later, he is still unable to work (the injury is getting worse). The poor guy is feeling awful about not providing for his family, is very depressed (understandably so!), and some other MAJOR outside stress has happened beyond his control (including some things with his kids). During all of this, I became depressed too. I didn't realize I had become co-dependent and had lost my own sense of personality. All this time, I didn't realize what [I]I[/I] was doing to [I]him.[/I] We are now in a place where we are starting counseling because our arguments have increased to major blowouts where we have been blaming each other for our unhappiness. Agreeing that we want to work on things is very positive and I have faith because we had such a strong foundation to begin with. I love him so much. Some people have said I have taken on way too much baggage but it's not his fault and I'm not a quitter. I know how good it can be so how in the world could I think of walking now just because things got tough.

Ok, here's the part where I need some serious advice. Because of our struggles with finances (I handle the bills), I called our cell phone company to see if I could have our account activity analyzed to reduce our monthly cost. The rep said our calls were pretty low but that one number kept coming up with a lot of minutes. When I asked, I found that it was ingoing/outgoing calls regarding my BF's # and it was mostly during lunch. But on the two weekends I spent at my friend's because of our latest arguments, he talked to this girl then too (he didn't go to meet her because both weekends, we had the boys home). This past weekend, however, was the argument that pushed us both to the edge of whether or not we were going to stay together. When I came home from my friend's Saturday, he went out for a few hours in the afternoon as well as Sunday afternoon. Both times, he called this girl just before he went out. Sat. night when we went to get something to eat, I asked him to drop me off at one place so I could get a salad while he went to McDonald's. I thought he took longer than expected (being a drive-thru) but thought nothing of it at the time. It turns out he called her then too.

Ok, so I confronted him very calmly yesterday. Now, the important thing to know about him is he has always been honest to the point of sometimes brutally honest. His attitude has always been if someone doesn't like what he has to say, tough. (As sensitive as I am, I actually like that because I've always known I'd know where I stand). He has also told me that where he used to live (out of state), he had mostly female friends. He had some childhood trauma where he does not trust men so it only stands to reason why he'd be more comfortable with women as friends. So the fact that he hasn't worked for almost a year and a half, has had little to no women/men to hang out with, and has now met some people at this archery place I URGED him to join so he could have a night for himself, he is finally making friends.

I can deal with him having friends. And he says that this girl is only a friend. They share some common interests in archery. She shoots one way (that he has been wanting to learn) and he shoots another way. His mother always told me that her son is an extremely outgoing peson and that by him being out of work has been the worst possible thing for him because he needs to be around and talk to people (which is why I told him to join this league).

I do understand what all this isolation must be doing to him but at the same time, I'm trying to get him to understand where I'm coming from and why this looks the way it does (being that our relationship is not in good standing at the moment).

I want so badly to believe him because I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and I can't imagine life without this man. I want to work things out and I know trust is key. I need to know from other guys if it's possible that guys can have friends like this. We've always been together on the weekends. This past weekend (after our big argument) was the only time he's ever gone out without telling me where he's going. So even if he did meet her and does not want to admit it, it could have been because he was so angry at the time. But the last 2 days, they have not talked and he has really listened to what I've had to say (about how sorry I am about all that has happened) and that he really does want things to work.

Guys, anyone, can you help me out here? I'm sorry this was so long - I just wanted to make sure I told the whole story so it would make sense. Thanks for listening.





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