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I haven't posted in a while...

Latly, I haven't been dating.. I'm just taking a break because of all I went through. I haven't been depressed, I've acctually been pretty happy about things since I've stopped dating.. usually I would get very depressed when I'm not dating, but for some reason.. I haven't been upset which I find really odd.

I was off work yesterday and didn't do much around the house. I watched Willy Wonka, talk with some friends online, but unusual.

Well, I went to bed last night and I had the most amazing dream ever, and I'm trying to figure out what it means.

I don't know how I got there, but in the dream, I was with some girl at her house that she just bought.. I remember it was a duplex and it was kinda run down, but it was her first home. I remember her talking about how much she paid for rent... and I remember she was very beautful. I remember that it was a 2 story duplex, screen door, green outside color.

I remember so many details about the dream, short dream, but remember everything about it. I can almost hear her voice.

What could this mean? If anything? I have a "girl" friend i've known for over 4 years, and we've been wanting to meet each other, we only live 250 miles apart... and she's been bugging me to drive down to see her latly. She's married, but seperated. She isn't looking and neither am I, and I'm not even sure if I want to go down there to see her.

There's a girl at work that's been flirting with me a lot, but it's just that, Flirting.. and she's been doing it for a very long time now.. I don't see how this would cause a dream though.

Now, there's been a girl at work i've had my eyes on.. very beautful, but i heard from some of her friends that she cheated on her boyfriend, and she's already slept with a guy from work (she just started!) and for the first time, she came up to me the other night and started talking to me... VERY VERY Sweet girl... I don't see how this could cause the dream though because I haven't been thinking about it any.

What do you think? Thanks :-)
I know deep down my heart needs a relationship, and I think sometimes I become too desprite and take whatever I can get. I've dated a lot of girls I wasn't even remotly attracted to, and I think I got to the point where I was even looking in guys. I do want a relationship and I've been going a lot lower than I should be which is why right now I'm not dating. I dated 5 girls since November, and none of them were my type.. but they were the only girls I could get, so being as desprite as I am/was.. I took whatever I could get. My self esteem was pretty low soooo.. Yeah, that didn't help matters much.

All my friends/family say I do need a relationship... and I do know deep down I need a relationship, but I've been trying too hard the past few months so latly I've just let off and stopped looking.

However, no matter how much I try to fight it, I still get very depressed about the issue. I just feel like a failure. It's like a challenge, No matter how little, or how hard I try, I get nowhere. So I just don't look anymore, I'm just in a "given up" state. I have my eyes open, but I just don't try as hard anymore and don't care anymore, but when one of my friends noticed what I was doing.. He said to me "Rosy Palm and her 5 sisters is okay, but you eventually need someone" Gave me a laugh, but he did have a point.

Honestly, I don't like the dating scene anymore. Here's a example.

I work at a large company, where my mom, my step brother, and a old friend from middle school works as well. Well, We have a very high turn over, so we have a lot of people coming and going.

So a new group of people get hired in. I notice a cute girl, and well, since i'm good friends with her mananger, I ask her mananger if she knew anything about her.. she didn't but said she would look into it. I also asked one of my coworkers if she knew anything... I later found out that the girl has a boyfriend. (Okay, I know I should have went to her myself, but where she works, it's very hard for me to talk to her, and i'll admit, I'm shy when it comes to this stuff)...

Well, I then notice later on, She was sitting with my step brother and some other guy at lunch, and of course, I'm sitting at a table by myself. Well, Later on my step brother says to me "You'd better be glad you didn't date her... She's cheated on her boyfriend, and she already slept with a guy here at work" I was in total shock.. She looks like a very sweet girl, and the times I have gotten to talk to her... she seems like a honest person.

On my way out of work the other night, she comes up and starts walking with me, she gets very close to me while walking and she seems very interested and friendly. Remembering what I heard from my step brother, I didn't talk to her much and went on home.

It really saddens me to see people like this... She's a very sweet girl and even the mananger I talked with said we'd make a good couple... but wow.. i wasn't expecting this!!

That's why I'm glad I'm not dating, Too many people play with others hearts.

One of the past girls I dated, I've had a few girls cheat on me.. and that's something I cannot stand, but it seems very common these days.

When I think about being alone, I get depressed, but when I think about cheating, and HIV, and everything else... I'm happy i'm single :-)

For some odd reason, the girl at work, seems to remind me of the one in my dream in some way.. It's as if they are connected somehow.
[QUOTE=zoe's]I agree with nini ...I didnotreally like or maybe understood the statement wrong when you said you are taking what you can get or dating lower than yourself...maybe thats your problen as well. I hope you do not consider yourself HIGHER than anyone else. I mean, yes I guess in a perfect world a beautiful g/f or b/f would be great for everyone but I hope you can look past that because there are several people with alot more to offer than that and I hope you are not selling yourself short because you think someone isnt beautiful enough.I wish you well.[/QUOTE]

I don't judge a girl by looks, but she has to be attractive to me at least.

The girls I have been dating, has been very ugly (no pun) and some of them have had bad attidutes and lives very hetic livestyles. A lot of them wasn't very mature either. One girl I dated, I had a few people tell me "you can do much better than that"... So I don't know. I wasn't attracted to any of these girls which is why I'm not with any of them. I took them because they were the only ones willing to date me... I was desprite.

Jessica, is a very sweet girl, but before we went on the date, her brother told me that she has been very close to a guy friend of hers, and he's been giving her all types of gifts.. and well, He told me before the date that they both agree'd to go steady with each other. They are now engaged to get married. I'm very happy for both of them...

When I go on a first date with a girl, I really don't care if she is "seeing' another guy or talking to a few other guys, but after a few dates, I expect her to only be dating me. I don't mind her having guy friends, that's doesn't really bother me, but she has to be open and up front with me about things. I've been cheated on several times, and it hurts and honestly, I have a very hard time putting trust in a girl who is out with her guy friends a lot... I do want her to be happy though.

I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to date again, I'm scared of someone cheating on me, and I'm scared to death of HIV/AIDS. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to trust any girl ever again... I've just been hurt too much and it has left a big scar on me.

This whole world is going to... Faster and Faster everyday. I see people cheating on each other left and right. Honestly, Everyone I've known in my age range, has cheated, or has been cheated on. I see cheating every single day.. and it's a painful thing to see, I read about it all the time on here as well... it's something I cannot live with.

I honestly think I will not be dating again, I've seen too much stuff, and been put through too much. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but at the same time, I think that it's best because I don't want to be mixed in with all the drama of a relationship these days. Unless something magical happens, I'm prepaired to be alone for the rest of my life...





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