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Re: Mouthy friend
May 23, 2005
[QUOTE=sugarpye]My bf's friend whom we spend quite a bit of time at his place with his gf has ADD quite a temper sna dca be down right mean to his gf. She is my friend too but origionally they are my bf's long time friends. I was there yesterday and they were doing a garden....everytime the gf would ask about the garden (i.e what is was going to look like) cause we were having a hard time pituring the outcome and we were just asking Q's and stuff to understand he would freak and yell at her and threaten her. [/QUOTE]

Your boyfriend's friend is emotionally and verbally abusive. It makes me sick to think that he humiliated her in front of you and your boyfriend. Have you ever taken her aside to talk to her about it in a gentle way? It is common for people with ADD to have temper problems due to their impulsivity, however it is not an excuse and he needs help. Do you know if he is on medication?
My husband has ADHD and used to have a temper. (Would yell and scream at me when he got angry. His anger issues were compounded with very bad abuse that he suffered as a child. All his pent up anger never got dealt with so it was brought into our marriage.) I did not know this when I was dating him.
It was not until I took a firm stand by going to my pastor and telling him what was going on, and then going to counseling that it stopped. When he saw that I was not going to keep quiet about what was going on and he learned how to deal with the past issues he had, he stopped the bad behavior. I just wish I had done something much earlier. I would not have lived so many years in such emotional pain. Our outcome though is the exception to the rule. My husband truly wanted to change and that is what made it possible. He did not want to lose me and was willing to do what needed to be done to change. He is a different man now, thank God.
If I was this girl and knew he had a temper when I was dating him, I would run for the hills. Most abusive men never change.
This girl needs not only your support, but the support of your boyfriend. I can assure you that she lives in fear. This guy needs to know there WILL be CONSEQUENCES for his actions, or he will never desire to change. He will be like this with whomever he is with. Look up on the internet verbal and emotional abuse. Maybe you can take her out alone and talk to her about your concerns.
How long has she been dating this guy? Do they live together?
I think it is wonderful that you stood up to him. Just do it in a firm way without profanity, Don't stoop down to his level. I wish everyone that knows them would have an intervention and be willing to tell this guy that he will lose his friends unless he goes for help. Tell your bofriend to imagine that this was his siter (if he has one) and how he would feel if he watched his sister being treated like this. I'm sure he would do something.This girl needs to know that there will be people next to her to support her and protect her.
Please tell her to go for conseling, it will help her get strong to make the right decisions.
I will pray for her.
May God bless you for caring so much.
Love,
Blue Eyed Lady





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