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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I think the other posters are right that some people like more alone time and independence than's just part of some personalities and not others. On the other hand, I'm about the most independent, happily solitary person you'll ever meet, but that doesn't prevent me from wanting to spend a lot of time with someone I love very much. If she's frequently talking about feeling smothered and needing more space, I don't think that's just due to her temperment. Unfortunately, in my experience you are right when you say this kind of talk, especially from a girl, means she is no longer content and stimulated by the relationship and probably wants out. I wish I could be more optimistic, and of course there is always a chance that she will realize everything she'd be losing after you move out and want to recommit herself to you, but generally even the most private, solitary people don't feel the need for space around someone they want to be with unless that person is unusually clingy. If that's the case with you, you can definitely work on being more self-sufficient and happy on your own, which will serve you well in any relationship. In my experience, the happiest people are those who are perfectly content with their lives alone, but would also be pleased to have a partner who suited their lifestyle...the most miserable, lonely people are those who just can't stand to be alone and feel like they'll never be happy without someone to love. I think it's a worthy goal to work on getting to the point where you are content with yourself and your life regardless of what other people think about you and want from you...I know this is harder for some people than others, but it's never a bad thing to be okay with being alone and independent. The more you need other people, the less they seem to want to be with you, and the more they tend to pull away and be drawn to people who have a life of their own and aren't desperate for a partner. I wish you all the best with your GF--hopefully she will really miss you now that she can't take for granted that you'll be around all the time. At this point, I really think the other posters are right that you can only focus and work on far as your GF goes, it's up to her now. If she really loves you and wants to be with you, she will make that clear, and if not, you deserve much better than some girl who doesn't really want you around anyway. I hope it all works out for the best...but I suspect it will; everything has a way of turning out well in the end. I know you must be going through a really tough time now, but please try to reassure yourself that you tried your best and now it's out of your hands. I would suggest keeping as busy as possible while you wait and see how she feels about you moving out of her place. Good luck and take care!

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